Lighthouse
My thoughts,
like a lighthouse - the lighthouse –
on a rocky bay,
illuminating my perimeter,
refracted by the tumbling waves;
I wish you could notice them –
spot them like a sailor does with constellations –
and find your way back to me.
And I wish the Earth remained
the sole continent it used to be: Pangea.
Then the Atlantic – the fallen angel –
wouldn’t keep us at a distance;
I’d walk to you
For love ‘don’t need planes.
Instead, like a tsunami,
my pulse will quake you 'til you land back
on the platform we both stood at –
where you had dropped an anchor in my heart –
where you had come like a summer’s thunderous
wind, whispering wistfully in my ear
over the crash of the sea:
“ ’Mind sharing your lighthouse with me?”
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Loved this so much! The lighthouse metaphor is amazing, and I totally disagree with most of Youngwolf1105s comments. Firstly "Love 'don't need planes" is not grammatically correct, but I'm pretty sure you knew this when you wrote it, and it doesn't need changing when it's used like this. It is colloqueal (don't know how to spell that) language and makes the poem easier to relate to and the speaker more real! Also the final line is brilliant. I interpreted it that it is her over-seas lover who whispers this to her when they first see one another again. It does not need changing, it's perfect as it is. Finally I think "On a rocky bay" is better than "the" because it makes it less specific, almost as though she's not sure where he is.
Sorry that this was more of a critique of the other comments than your poem! Lol, beautifully written. Don't change a thing
Awesomeness! I really like it, and that it's real poetry and not rhyme. While rhyming is considered poetry, I don't think so. I believe that it's childish. No worries, I only have a few corrections.
1. "like a lighthouse - the lighthouse – " This is good, but it doesn't flow right, play with some words here.
2. "on a rocky bay," How about "on the rocky bay," But I understand if there was a reason for this.
3. What's up with all of the hyphens???
4. "For love ‘don’t need planes." Is grammtically wrong. "For love does not need planes." Or "For love doesn't need planes."
5. The the simple mistakes like this, " 'til " You don't need the apostrophe.
6. I don't get the last line at all. Is it a personal question you're asking the reader? Or was it part of the poem. And if was the peom, it didn't make sense. And if it was a personal question, then you should have put it further down.
All together I loved it, it really spoke to me. It's hard to find proper poetry on here. Everyone ryhmes. rhyming is one of worst pet peevs. Hope I helped you!
I love this!
The only thing I see is to possibly change "For love 'don't need planes" to "For love doesn't need planes."