The Hands of Time ................................................................................................................tick...two pairs of large, brown eyeslay fixed on the skinny hand playing with the seconds...............................................tock...beads of sweat linger on their waiting faceslike drops of honey dripping from the pot. .........................................................................tick...fingers twitching on the wooden table,splinters slipping under their nails...........tock...only for a fraction of a secondtheir large, brown eyes meet...............................................tick..............................................tock...the eyes glance at the short and thick hour hand;forward, it's gone, and so has the clean air around...........................................................................................tick...toxic gases fill their lungs,the hands of time throttling them - .....................tock...the large brown eyes slowly closingas the skinny hand keeps going 'round..............tick............................................tock...........................................................................tick............................................................................................................tock...
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140,774 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
The layout for this poem is great in my opinion. I was a little confused about what it was actually about though, I thought maybe two people waiting for something (or someone), or trying to avoid an awkward conversation. The great thing about poetry is that you can be vague, but if you give a few more clues as to what is going on, your readers wont be too confused. In my opinion this poem has amazing potential to be even better.
I liked the style and way you set it up, it was a layout Ive never seen before which made it all the more appealing... BUT, I understood no part of the poem, I suggest giving it some actual content, it sounded nice and all, and mysterious but it's hard to like a poem if you have no idea what it's about.