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137,625 Literary Works • 672,053 Reviews
Quite brilliant in fact. Good meter, you've got a grasp on punctuation and grammar, as well as vocabulary. Beautiful theme.
Quite brilliant in fact. Good meter, you've got a grasp on punctuation and grammar, as well as vocabulary. Beautiful theme.
I think this poem needs some work.. in some parts I'm getting what you're saying but in others I'm completely lost to be honest. The poem is very "in your face" which is a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I think You talk about faces and smile a little too much for this short poem.
tgirly
"And yet life goes on.There's that hidden fundamental The never changing variable It means everything to me. That Single Constant..." I like this stanza the best, it's a bit redundant but sometimes in poems i think it's ok to repeat basically the same idea more than once for effect or emphasis. I'm not sure why Single and Constant are both capitalized unless you're talking about God then it makes sense. Also I don't really like the "..." after Single Constant. I'd take that out.
The last stanza made the least amount of sense to me. And it's ok to end a poem with "Suck for you" if that's how you want the effect of the story to be but then be confident and just say it don't put "I'm not sure what I mean by that" because that just takes away the effect. Although it's a little offensive to the reader, one could assume that you weren't talking to them with the "sucks for you" part. But I would still take it out especially if you're not confident about it. Good luck in writing!!
This is very beautiful, and i loved how you started it out with a line from a song. You really conveyed your message of the hypocrisy of this world. Your prose was great up until the last line...I'm sorry but that nearly ruined the entire poem. Edit that last part and come up with something better, and it's golden. Try to keep in mind what you really want people to hear from this as opposed to what you think it's supposed to sound like. I hope this helps...and keep it up
. You have promise.
-Klotrox