Father
The hearth's crackle,
Its glow on the wall,
The TV bellowing,
“Oh! What football!”
The Fall all around me
Father.
Father brought me this.
Father loves his boy,
The muted boy – Chris
My name is Chris,
But to me it don't matter,
'Cause I'll never get to say it
Father.
Father made me this.
Father muted his little boy,
And I don't know why
But the breeze that surrounds me,
Icy, rustling the trees,
And lake that ripples,
Mirrors the sky
Father gave me this,
I don't know why,
He made it for me,
But I'll never cry,
“I love you Father!”
“You are my Joy”
'Cause I, Chris,
Cannot utter or sttuter,
I'm the mute boy,
That Father made
I stare down the hallway,
Longing to sing,
Like Joyce or Craig,
That Father had made
I find myself wondering,
Why Father had made
A boy with no voice,
To “sing praises” or hymns
But demands of me love
I lift my eyes to the mountains,
Looking for help,
My resentment so fierce,
The Lion's attracted,
I lift my angry eyes to the mountains,
And notice their majesty,
Crowned by the sun
Father made them,
Though they cannot speak,
They give Him praise,
As I realize,
I'm so ashamed
---
What d'ya think? I'm worried it's too long, naggy and repetitive.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,186 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
I think this is really good. I also think it was really silly of me to use quotes to answer this question.
You used so many examples to prove the point but none of them were exactly the same which means there wasn’t any repetition going on.
And more importantly, this was a really original idea. Originality is key in a poem.
Probably my favorite line was:
I think this is really meaningful to the idea of the poem, even if you did misspell ‘stutter.’
The thing you should watch out for is with your rhyming. You kind of rhyme in some places and sometimes you don’t. Consistency is key, especially in a poem.
Anyways, good job with this poem and happy writing.
~lilymoore
I really enjoyed this it wasn't too long or too short simply sweet and very poetic and engaging from start to finish. I can feel the expression of sorrow and anger in the boy regarding his inability to talk and to His name. Along with his shame of feeling such was towards Him. This poem is a rare gem and I'm more then happy to find it.
Bravo man.
As a review I advise some revising and editing.