A Compilation - What do you think?
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I Shall Race Thee
Let not a day of childhood go by,
In which I did not run my heart out,
Let not a single hair fall,
Unroughed,
These are my days,
This is my life,
Father Time I shall race thee,
Until the wind in you is silent,
And yet my youth shall ever breeze
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Wander the Skies
Never ever again,
It's my last day of childhood,
So for one last time I'll wander the skies,
In search of the angels,
And hopefully I'll get lost,
Wandering the skies,
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Tears
It's fun to smile after you've cried a while,
Funny-sunny-happy days,
Come after the rain,
The storm passes and the wind blows,
And the sun comes out,
I get up and begin to sing,
My heart begins to burn again
I am your everyday,
Please let it be forever
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140,186 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Wow! These are very expressive and emotional. I can really relate to these especially because I'll be starting High School next year, and i'm really afraid to leave my childhood behind, and these reflected how I feel, especially Wander the Skies. And the only suggestion I can make is: I'm not sure if you meant it this way, but in I Shall Race Thee, it says: "Let not a day of childhood go bye," and, unless you meant it to be spelled this way, 'bye' should be 'by'. Anyways, besides this, all three were fantastic. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hey
I love all your poems, and love how each one express your feeling in something but it really dont catch a reader attention. But I love it ;D
1) I think this one shows your feelings okay, but it's a little bland. It could use more detail on how you feel.
2) I like this one. It shows your desire to stay a child and how you feel about it. It's kind of sad, but that just shows more emotion, and I think it's good. This ones my favorite.
3) This one seems like the oddball out. It doesn't really have a point, so it's kind of hard to tell what your talking about. I think you should put more into this one.
They could use some work, but their not that bad. Just use more detail. I like your work and you should add more to your writing with these poems. I also like the subject you chose. Being a kid is an amazing thing.
1st poem: It was nice, but I wasn't too keen on the voice. You try to catch the images of childhood but you talk so mature and old-fashioned that it loses that feel.
2nd poem: This didn't feel complete, like you were getting somewhere and just suddenly stopped. Not to mention, you ended it with a comma. I wish you'd expand on this...
3rd poem: It sounded kind of maudlin and prosey. In other words, kinda sing-songy and pointless, and still lacking any real emotion to hold on to. The problem is the cliche words you use in this.
I'm not saying these poems are bad, I'm just saying they need a lot of work and to be expanded on. Being a kid is the best parts of our lives, and if you can capture that you can find something that relates to everybody, because really we all wish we were kids again.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver