Dear friend,
You say that your life is tough,
You ramble on in stanzas,
And break down in song,
And at the banshee's midnight cry,
You sit awake and draw out a long prayer for peace,
But do you ever stand in the face of a giant,
Do you run day, and yet more night,
From a pursuer that plagues your mind?
That scowls in your face, mocks you,
Delights in your success as his own and is ashamed at your failure?
Ha! Do you call this monster father?
I mock you now, I don't even hide it,
And challenge you to live up to your words,
One meal my friend, eat this alone,
One prayer per day, for if not in prayer you are in labour,
One goal my friend, to make it to the other side of day,
And meanwhile the world crumbles around you,
Crying at you to help! And crying at you for helping,
A fire burns from your bosom and your mind goes blank,
Your vision blurs and your fists close like you heart's ear,
Then at night you die away,
Into nightmares,
Wake up with baggy eyes on a tear-stained pillow,
Dear friend, please hear my plea,
Never open your mouth again,
In complaint or hurt or anger's grip,
For you have nothing to fear,
While I must learn the hard way,
With bruises,
That Hell is not a place,
But a feeling...
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139,639 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
These are pretty harsh words, but I do like the feelings you show with these words. I could learn a lot from your punctuation, I always forget that. I also like your conclusion that hell is not a place, but a feeling. I can find myself in that sentence in a way. Actuallu I haven't seen or read a thing that was really bad, so keep on writing!
Hello Hero! Great job, this was a haunting and beautifully written poem. I absolutely loved the first two stanzas, especially the description of the giant, and how it is only in the last line that it is his father. And the "Ha!" adds a level of dark humor that is very well-executed. While the rest of the poem is just as well written, it is a little vague. I know it's poetry, but a slightly more detailed explanation of the friend's mistakes will make it easier to understand. For example, this line:
What are the words he is supposedly not living up to? A simple explanation can go far.
The last few lines are my favourites:
I especially love the capitalization of Hell and the ellipses that closes the poem. It's a subtle reminder that this person's pain is not over. What I got from this poem is that a person is upset with his/her friend for exaggerating their pain in light of someone's very real suffering. Tell me if I'm right?
All in all, an amazing job!