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125,020 Literary Works • 672,736 Reviews
Text Version:
he knows the exact hue
Spoiler
her eyes turn when she
wears the color blue and
how many seconds it takes
for the precise pause to stop
before she says his name.
there is something elegant and
envious about experiencing love
that leads into the slow
waltz of devastation.
a forbidden love is one of no
consequence, and she sees it
in the way his jaw locks when
she puts on his favorite perfume.
he inhales it,
always. while she traces
old scars in the mirror, wondering
how many years someone could
survive on the promise of "always".
because to her, "always" is a myth,
just a word that men cradle
until it slips and burns and corrupts.
but he carries "always" with him
everywhere he goes, hoping that
one day she might see him.
some nights he loosens
his grip on the word to see
if she'll let it fall.
it never does.
Oh my gosh I love that line! And then it just keeps getting better -
boom! drops mic!
I love this poem - great concept and very relatable. You somehow managed to take a very "theoretical" concept and write a poem that felt very concrete by book ending it in imagery and metaphor - that is a tricky thing to do, but it makes the poem feel very visceral rather than just "heady".
My interpretation is that the poem is about how this guy would love to love this gal but she is hesitant of letting herself truly commit because she's been hurt by too many false "always" promises in the past, the guy knows the girl very well and understands the source of her hesitation and how it holds them from each other - so even though he wants an "always" relationship he tries to offer something more casual / less-committal - but she still won't take it. I'm not sure if I understand the implication of the final stanza completely as I could take it a few different ways - but either way I love the effect of your poetry here. You say just enough without getting long-winded, and the opening lines hook us in like a fish to where we get to the more conceptual stuff. Great job!
Really hope to see more of your poetry this April friend!
I have no notes! (only that you could add a little more musical / waltzing motifs in this with the title! as the poem itself didn't feel like it went with the title to me!)
but other than that, LOVED this piece. Keep writing, keep sharing!
alliyah
Hi! I'm in awe!
I really, really liked this poem, you've captured that whimsical feeling and kept the angst tight, and it's really wonderful!
"how many seconds it takes
for the precise pause to stop
before she says his name."
This is such a specific detail, and it's so good. Something that's makes this theirs, that makes her his, I guess.
"there is something elegant and
envious about experiencing love
that leads into the slow
waltz of devastation."
Nothing to say here, but this is such a romantic and tragic way to put it.
"always. while she traces
old scars in the mirror, wondering"
Her own scars? Of people breaking their promise of 'always'?
I love the ending as well. I personally imagined the last bit as him physically loosening his grip on her in bed at night, and it also has the emotional implication that you wrote; she doesn't question his action and neither does she show vulnerability.
Brilliant! This is some great poetry.
(I'm not great at reviewing, sorry if it isn't up to the mark!)
Hi and hello! I actually ADORE this poem. The words are literally dancing as I read so smoothly, I couldn't read it just once. This poem made gave me an idea of having a notebook full of poems I adore and yours will be the FIRST. It's just so great omg.
BUT let's read it together, shall we?
"he knows the exact hue
her eyes turn when she
wears the color blue and
how many seconds it takes
for the precise pause to stop
before she says his name."
At the first glance you can see that the man knows everything about the woman. Like he knows everything about her body and her reactions. You could say they had to spend a lot of time together. Or maybe he was just adoring her so much, he noticed everything in no time! Oh how love is sweet, isn't it?
"there is something elegant and
envious about experiencing love
that leads into the slow
waltz of devastation.
a forbidden love is one of no
consequence, and she sees it
in the way his jaw locks when
she puts on his favorite perfume."
Those lines and words are just so... AAAAA.. literally LOVE THEM. I'm your fan fr. SO What can we see here? The author gives us a hint how they see love. Forbidden, devastation. Sounds quite thrilling, right? Or maybe sounds scary? "Those two people are definitly in love!" you could say. But are they?
"he inhales it,
always. while she traces
old scars in the mirror, wondering
how many years someone could
survive on the promise of "always"."
There it is. Now we can see that this woman is kind of tired, dare I say. She wields old scares of past romance, and the man? Well.. he's promising her this "always". But what exactly IS "always"?
"because to her, "always" is a myth,
just a word that men cradle
until it slips and burns and corrupts.
but he carries "always" with him
everywhere he goes, hoping that
one day she might see him."
Now we can see that this woman is hurt. Hurt cause of her past romances. She's scared. She doesn't really want to trust him although he still tries. Beautiful, really!
"some nights he loosens
his grip on the word to see
if she'll let it fall.
it never does."
Now we really see that he tries and tries but she's standing tall. Her trust is probably somewhere in pieces. I wonder if he'll ever find it and put it all together. That would be beautiful.
This poem is AMAZING! I'm a big fan of it! Keep it up!