*Authors Note: This is my very first attempt at an abstract-type poem, so please go easy on me!
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
Text version:
the air in forgotten halls stagnates,
muffled footsteps dissolve into worn wood,
as laughter spirals in fractals, refracting elsewhere—
an orbit around someone more vibrant.
an artifact of days unfurling in quiet implosion,
subsumed by the gravity of smaller stars
burning with borrowed light.
fingers trace the grains of reality,
a once-tethered warmth calcified into artifact
while braided voices loop like an incantation,
binding you to absence,
to the sepia-toned debris of discarded childhood.
a pulse still drums faintly,
but the resonance belongs to someone else.
Wow👏
Even though i'm not all that familiar with abstract poetry l really enjoyed this piece and it really potrays the essence of what it really feels like to speak but hear the echo of your voice
The poem is very beautiful and I liked it very much. However for me it was quite difficult to read as there is quite many not so simple words one after another but despite that it's still very flowy.
You paint a clear picture with your words and it almost felt like being sucked into the world behind the poem. Your word choices are great and there's some lines that really hit and I could relate with the poem.
I'm not too familiar with abstract-type poems but for your first time it's definitely not bad at all. If you enjoyed the style I think you should keep up with it because I would love to see more poems like this from you!
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a a quick review. I will apologize that this might be short. With all that preface out of the way, I think I should start the review properly. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Although I am not familiar with abstract poetry I think you did a stellar job for your first time. I didn't find the formatting distracting or awkward which can sometimes happen if you aren't super experienced.
I want to just say your writing is as always super vivid. I felt like I could picture the crumbling halls and those small moments where people put others first. The images add this rich almost mystical feel to the ever-present emotion. Maybe it's the way you include sounds or metaphors that I feel would fit perfectly in some classic fantasy novel.
I adore this line it feels almost mythical in a way. The feeling is elevated by the metaphor in such a haunting way. A part of me feels this isn't leaving my brain for a while.
Oh my! This line is so soft-spoken in comparison to the others but packs a punch. This has to be my favourite line in this whole poem. I just find it so impactful in a way I struggle to find words for.
Normally I would move on to feedback once looking at the highlights. However, if I am being honest I could find anything during my read-through. So what would you say if we wrapped this up instead?
Once again you hit it out of the park Ley. I hope both your school and class life are treating you well. By the way, I might check out the new novel chapter you posted sometime. It seems very interesting!
As always keep writing and drink water!
Thank you! I would appreciate the review on the novel! :3