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Text Version:
I have a father, but he’s not of my blood.
But what is a father –
if it’s not a person that takes on the responsibility
of becoming a personal shield or
the fortress of warmth where children grow?
My father taught me to speak with purpose,
like when he first met me and I told him that I
believed in dragons, and that women should rule kingdoms.
He smiled and told me how the stars were made
and that the spark he’d been missing was me all along.
He taught me that strength is not violence, but
the way he knelt to tie my laces for me, even when
he worked a long day. That it was the way he held a
coffee mug in his left hand and my past trauma in his right.
My father told me to focus on the quiet things when the world
was loud. Like the way people say ‘I love you’ with their eyes
or wait in the driveway until you get inside safely. He taught me
to say thank you for the things people don’t realize they’re giving.
And when— if—I ever feel scared, if the world ever feels too big
to carry in my small hands, all I have to do is remember the sound
of his steps in the hallway, and the way he’d crack the door open when I slept,
just enough to let some light in.
With him, I never have to face it alone.
This poem.... I have no words.
I believe this poem is talking about adoption which I can relate to. I am adopted myself, but a beautiful old lady, who I still call granny.
The first five sentences of this poem just spoke to me. Of course, we all have parents. But what really makes up a parent? One that just says, ''You're my son or daughter, and you came from me'?
No, that isn't a parent at all. A real parent is one that's there for you, no matter the situation. They care for you, guide you, until you are on the right path.
The next 6-10 lines of the poem, especially the 10th line was just so sweet. My adoptive mom says, before me and my little brother arrived in her home, she felt like something was missing. She said, even though she had other foster kids in her house before we came, she said that we were special. And I really appreciated that.
Overall, this is such a beautiful poem, and I know your dad is proud to have you as his daughter.
This poem.... I have no words.
I believe this poem is talking about adoption which I can relate to. I am adopted myself, but a beautiful old lady, who I still call granny.
The first five sentences of this poem just spoke to me. Of course, we all have parents. But what really makes up a parent? One that just says, ''You're my son or daughter, and you came from me'?
No, that isn't a parent at all. A real parent is one that's there for you, no matter the situation. They care for you, guide you, until you are on the right path.
The next 6-10 lines of the poem, especially the 10th line was just so sweet. My adoptive mom says, before me and my little brother arrived in her home, she felt like something was missing. She said, even though she had other foster kids in her house before we came, she said that we were special. And I really appreciated that.
Overall, this is such a beautiful poem, and I know your dad is proud to have you as his daughter.
Hello there! This is Avi, and I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This is such a beautiful poem. Your father sounds exactly like the parent I aspire to be when I grow up.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
None. This is a brilliant poem.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
~ "My father taught me to speak with purpose,
like when he first met me and I told him that I
believed in dragons, and that women should rule kingdoms.
He smiled and told me how the stars were made
and that the spark he’d been missing was me all along." I'm not crying, you're crying. Seriously though, this made me cry.
~ "He taught me that strength is not violence, but
the way he knelt to tie my laces for me, even when
he worked a long day. That it was the way he held a
coffee mug in his left hand and my past trauma in his right." My heart cleaved in two because this is the way men should be.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
A. Your dad seems like a really lovely man. B. This poem is absolutely brilliant. As I said before, this is the way men (specifically fathers) should be. As always, your writing is lovely.
Happy Reading and Happy Writing!
-avimoon
I love how this poem is about the idea of chosen love. There is an underrepresentation of that the kind that isn’t tied to blood. I took away that this poem is not just about a father figure, it’s about what fatherhood means. Not in the traditional sense, but in the way it manifests in day to day life. That is a good angle.
Already, you’re redefining fatherhood. It isn't portrayed as ownership, but as protection and warmth. The metaphor of a “fortress” where children grow adds depth to this metaphor! It hints at this everyday, quiet labor of love and the way love becomes space.
This line hit hardest for me. The juxtaposition is so striking and speaks volumes in so few words! It's a beautiful and painful image -- because it acknowledges how much weight care can carry!
Thematically, this poem is tight. There’s this theme of love woven through everyday actions, and it’s never over-explained. I see that you trust your imagery to do the heavy lifting, and it does! It’s intimate without feeling overly sentimental. You’re not trying to convince the reader that this man is your father. I love that you’re simply showing us that he is, in every way that counts.
You might want to consider trimming a couple of the earlier lines where the explanation drags on. For instance:
could be more immediate if you phrase it with more agency! But this is a definitely minor and has no real major major impact on the poem!
Your voice is soft but assured. I like that! There's no need for bravado here, just clear and emotional storytelling. I walked away from this feeling full, reminded of people in my life that I consider my heroes. It's easy to stray from people, but this made me want to call them lol.
Please keep writing!
Hi Leya! I dont know if I've ever read any of your works before, but this one caught my eye, and after reading it I thought I had to share some thoughts. It's also my 700th review and I think this is a great piece to capstone that!
When i reivew i tend to go in chronological order, and then give some overall thoughts.
Normally i dont love dashes. I feel that they are often overused or unnecessary, but i actually like the one in your first stanza. While it could be a question mark i lile that it sets up the question without bringing the thought to a halt since it's really not the end of the question.
I absolutely love the line contrasting violence with tying shoelaces. Honestly, there's so much in the 2nd and 3rd stanza that feel so aimilar to a piece I wrote about mt dad earlier this year. I also wrote a song for my wife and likened her to a fortress, so that was a cool callback to find unintentionally!
The coffee mug line hits so well. It paints a picture that he cared for your trauma, but that he maintained control and didnt let it escape. He took his time and care to handle it correctly without letting it overwhelm either of you.
"He taught me to say thank you to people for the things they don't realize they are giving."
Whoa. What a line. So important, not only in teaching you how to be a better person, but also in gently and subtlety showing others that their efforts are worth something, and more than what some might be willing to give. I feel like this is so meaningful to those who were always raised to give so much but in a way that taught them it was normal and not worthy of being thanked for.
Lest you thought i had 0 criticisms xD the last stanza has great meaning to it, but i noticed a couple things. I think that the when/if looks a bit messy (pun intended) with the dashes, unlike in,stanza 1 where i thought it enhanced the flow. I also think that if you were asleep you wouldn't hear his footsteps or see the light from him cracking open the door. I love the imagery, but the logistics hung me up.
Overall, i feel like we were on similar wavelengths when we wrote our pieces despite them being different styles and momths apart. I think you've captured what it is to be a father, and even just a good man, so well in easy to,digest ways. There's a saying often used with a parent losing their temper on a child: " for your parent it was a moment, fpe you it was a memory." There's are some variations, but the point remains the same. It isnt the grand things our parents did, and while typically used in a negative aspect, its the shoelaces and night time check ups that taught us the positives of what a parent can and should be.
~Messy
Thank you for the review! Thank you for the criticism, too! With the bed time reference, after my dad tucked me in sometimes I would yell at him to come back and turn the lights back on, but I should have clarified a bit more :3