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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Text Version
he asked me to join him,
he traced my hand with the coldest touch and
i grasped his, holding on for dear life.
we were stupid, then. greedy.
because even with the distance we ran, it was never far enough
i complained that my shoes got dirty and
you would pick me up and carry me on your shoulders like a
rag doll through endless puddles.
and still, we keep running.
i still don't know what we started running from—
feelings wrapped in half-promised forget-me-nots,
or the fact you said you loved me and
i couldn't acknowledge it? or were we
just trying to escape reality, trying to move on
from sleepless nights and crying in bathroom stalls
because down here, weakness is shown in solidarity.
we never knew weakness, you and i.
and still, we keep running.
i like to think weakness feared us, because we never
knew "safe", we only knew each other.
you said we were invincible in the language of overused metaphors.
i said we were honest, and that was our first lie.
we won't ever stop running, will we?
I love the formatting of the story (and also the font).
Some observations:
The period here feels deliberate and adds emphasis!
This is an interesting thing to use to describe being carried on someone's shoulders. It feels like something you should be able to write pages about in an essay and I'm just not cultured enough to grasp it!
Oh... that is a sad thing to say:
I always thought solidarity is a way to keep weakness at bay, and the next paragraph seems to imply that?
This is a poem that makes you really think about each line, hm. All I can say is that I like it. Thank you for sharing.
I really love this. It feels like a mix of nostalgia and longing, almost like a bittersweet memory that you don’t want to let go of. It’s like you’re not just running away from something, but also running TOWARDS something, even though you're not really sure what it is. I get the sense that there’s this constant chase, like you're both trying to outrun the things that are too painful to confront, but in doing so, you’re also trying to hold on to each other, even when you know it’s not enough.
IT'S SO PRETTY!! I LOVE IT!!
I REALLY feel the part about weakness being shown in solidarity. There’s something so powerful about the way you make vulnerability feel strong. Like, you didn’t have “safe,” you had *each other,* and that was the only thing that mattered. The line —*“we were honest, and that was our first lie”*— hit me hard. It’s such a clever twist, because I think we all like to tell ourselves we’re being honest with the people we care about, but sometimes, we hide the things that REALLY matter.
Also, I LOVE how you play with metaphors. The whole "invincible in the language of overused metaphors" really stuck with me. It’s like you’re acknowledging that these ideas of being "invincible" or "unstoppable" are just words, but there’s still something meaningful in the way they tie you to each other.
Honestly, this feels like a conversation more than a poem. You’ve captured that sense of running TOGETHER — the uncertainty, the hope, and the endless drive to keep moving forward even when you don’t know where you're going.
LOVED THIS POEM. You're insanely talented. Keep writing.