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140,134 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey Leya! Incoming review!
Okay, I know this poem is like two years old, but I wanted to review some older poetry and I was just going through your portfolio and this one caught my eye. I actually have a very similar poem called "drowning lessons" I published the same year and I thought it would be cool to see how you went about the topic.
Your poem focuses on the calm right before succumbing completely to the water. It has a very light atmosphere to it, like I can see the narrator sinking in slow motion, almost like the "Hit Me Hard and Soft" album cover. I will say that in some of that softness and blurred atmosphere, the poem can get a little...spacy? Its not as creative as I imagined. Like there's not much else being said besides what it would be like to drown which I suppose is the intent. I just like poems that say one thing, but beneath the surface are saying something else deeper. Either that or telling a story. This is an older poem so I'm sure you've grown a lot, but that is what I had to say about the poem at hand as it was written. Maybe I should read some of your newer stuff and see what you have to say haha.
But that's what I had to say for today, I hope you enjoyed. Hopefully this wasn't a poem you tried to forget about (I know I have a bunch of those still here that I haven't unpublished lol). Happy writing and have a good day!
Hello, Ley!
I'm here to review another one of your poems. Overall, this poem wears its questions and uncertainty well. It reads like a train of thought and the reader gets to follow along easily with the speaker. Your poem follows a clear linear structure, almost as if we're in the process of drowning already as we question it. With that said, let's get into it!
I love how you ease us into the imagery with a simple start. The readers can use this as a jumping-off point to sink into the poem.
This has to be my favorite stanza. You juxtapose this idea of whether drowning would be harsh or gentle the best in this line. On one hand, you have the words "crash" and "sting" which create a harsh environment, but they're canceled out by "cradle" and "haze." It's a kaleidoscope of imagery that is written very well and fits the vibes of this poem perfectly. Amazing job!
Ahh!! Circle ending. I love a good circle ending. This one works especially well since everything that happened in the poem was all imagination Since the speaker never got an answer, they go back to just wondering. But hopefully, the speaker never finds out, I've read it's a terrible way to go. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading!
Happy Writing!
Wist
Thank you Wist!
Of course!!
Wow, Ley this one really got me. Out of all of your poetry, this one feels the most present and personal to me. It is entirely based on these internal thoughts, wonders, and reflections, which makes it so much more meaningful and narrative like.
The first line is not a question, but a statement.
This says the following to me: I already know the answer, but instead, I am wondering which of the possibilities I have imagined are most true.
This stanza was very direct. This poem feels very literal to me, though of course there are a lot of situations that drowning could be a symbol of, like letting oneself go, giving up, accepting a situation of life circumstance.This part of the poem focusses on the physical sensation in the lungs and skin. The prune and peel part was really pleasant to read. We continue this physical analysis in the next stanza, when you talk about salt water in eyes, as well as what you would hear, waves or whispers or silence. You do a fantastic job going through the body with this eerie but peaceful tone.
This part really hit me. We often focus on the physical sensations of pain and death and trying and hard work and giving up, but not the thoughts and emotions that come with them. It is like those things that ask, "what would you do if you knew today was your last day?" but its so much deeper than that. what would you think? would you be remembering everything? who would you remember or miss? would I be filled with regret? would I want to fight again, only for it to be too late? or, would I finally feel relief. Exactly what you say here:
this is the type of poem that I look forward to reviewing and reading. because it means something to you and it means something to me. maybe you are drowning, but in the words that give you the strength to keep swimming.
or maybe you've got a Derek Shepherd who's gonna jump in and pull you out of the water really sooneither way, I love you and this poem has made my day better. keep writing, please
your friend,
Ellie
Aw thanks Ellie <3 and the Derek Shepherd reference xD
Beautiful poetry, Ley, love the feelings and imagery. A sense of grim and danger, yet odd tranquility as well. Ooo... Thanks for sharing this!
I really appreciate it <333
great ocean/water metaphors ley <333 always love your poetry.
this. i love this. <33
ily & ur poemtry <33 all da hugs in the world for you 🫂🫂
<333 thank you herb :3
anytime <3