Young Writers Society

Text Version:

It’s going to feel like sitting on the porch of a timeless house, the wood beneath you
creaking in silent harmony with the slow rocking of your chair.
You’ve watched the fields before you change and grow; you’ve picked poppies and lavender from the garden in the backyard. It guarantees you that
every moment mattered; every breath you took meant something—it shaped the life of those around you.

I think it’d feel like flipping through the pages of a beloved photo album;
each image will dance in your mind and you’ll recall the scent of summer rain on pavement.
You’ll hear your children’s laughter echoing through sunlit rooms,
the taste of fresh picked apples on an autumn day. But slowly, the memories fade like ink left too long in the sun. You’ll close the book and rest, because you’ve become content with the story you’ve written.

In the end, it could be like drifting into a deep, restful slumber after a day filled with love.
Your body will sink into the familiar comfort of linen sheets that smell like your partner’s shampoo.
And as your eyes close, and your breathing slows, you feel yourself melding with the universe;
where time loses meaning. You grin knowing that you’ve been alive to witness your own children bear their own.

You’ll drift into a world where the warmth is so tender, so comfortable.
As the leaves rustle, you’ll return to where you belong. Where all things reincarnate, and souls never die; where you’re whole, where you’re timeless—
where you’re home at last.
You smile one last time, and as your oldest daughter grips your wrinkly hand, you say:
“It’s all been enough.”

Hey Ley!

Q here for a review this fine RevMo.

Your poem really pulled me in from the first line. I thought that "It’s going to feel like..." was so compelling, like up front, your poem was telling me how it is, how it would feel. It instantly transports you to this scene, and I really enjoyed that. I feel like the opening was unusual and it really caught my attention.

That being said, I got sort of thrown off when the next stanza started a little differently: "I think it’d feel like..." On the one hand, the "think" is introducing a little more doubt, the possibility of other endings. And on the other hand, you've introduced "I," the only time in the poem that "I" appears (as far as I can see!). It might be better to stick with the "you," since the solo "I" threw me off a little.

Concerning the doubt introduced in "think," I see a little bit of that in the third stanza, with "it could be..." but you close out with certainty when you use not only the future tense, "you'll drift," but the present tense, "you smile, you say." I guess those phrases that introduce potential are really interesting because they remind you that this is a hypothetical future, but I also like the idea of committing to the future/present tense combo and the certainty that this is how things will end, because the narration feels so confident and certain.

Anyway, sorry if that got a little rambly. The one other small thing that threw me off was the word "guarantees" in the first stanza, and that's just because I'm not sure how that works in the past tense?? "It guarantees you that every moment mattered" -- since this person is at the end of their life, and it's saying every moment DID matter, I'm not sure why the flowers hold a promise of any kind. It feels more like they'd be a reminder that every moment mattered, or something like that. But, that's just something that made me slow down for a minute.

The majority of your poem is built around very peaceful imagery of a stable environment and a life full of good things, not regrets. I think you did a fantastic job of conveying all of that throughout the poem, and I like that the formatting is closer to paragraphs -- it makes the reader slow down and conveys the feeling of age.

I particularly love these lines in the second stanza:

But slowly, the memories fade like ink left too long in the sun. You’ll close the book and rest, because you’ve become content with the story you’ve written.

Hi, coming in with a review--this is such a good poem. Not everyone can pull off writing about such a subject, but you definitely hit the mark. The imagery is just wonderful. It really captures a feeling of comfort and the feeling of contentment. You capture it perfectly. The metaphors really work here, although there are a lot of them, I never felt as though there were too many. They just fit hand in hand with the subject so well.
THe poem itself sort of feels light yellow. Content, but not overly excited or happy. Just calm. Which is a feat, because writing an extreme poem is much easier that writing one that’s more in the middle, uncertain. I love that you were able to make it feel more in the middle of a spectrum of emotions rather than really sad or really happy.
The way you describe the feeling of the death itself--not just before it--is perfect. Like I said before, the imagery really brings all of this together.
Overall, I love this poem. You bring the subject of death--one that few want to touch--and made it into a wonderful piece. Bravo to you for that. Needless to say, I will be reading more of your work!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)

I love the imagery in this poem. I could see, hear, smell, etc. everything you described to me. To me, death is a touchy subject. Writing about it is hit or miss. You definitely hit. this is how I want to go, at peace with myself and the world