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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
This is a great first chapter that left me curious for more!
You've got some great imagery right off the bat--"a gaping maw to swallow the sun" is a beautiful visual. The writing style drew me in long enough for you to introduce the main goal (at least for this scene): they need to catch something big to feed themselves/their family. That propels the whole scene forward.
The pacing is great. You take just enough time to introduce the world and the goal, without dragging it out too much. At least for me, it can be easy to get caught up in exposition, but you do a good job of keeping the story moving.
On the flip side, it doesn't move too fast either. It makes a promise of action in a later scene (since they're hunting a bear), but it doesn't throw the readers in the deep end right away. I think this is a great beginning to something!
Some smaller things I liked:
-Fedya's reluctance to hunt hints at his personality without spoiling his character right away.
-Their father having yet to send word of his return--does this mean he's been busy and forgotten, or has something bad happened to him? I'm curious to find out.
-The ending promise that they'll return home after this hunt--it gives me the impression that something unexpected will happen and they won't, in fact, be returning home after this. At least not for a little while.
All in all, it's a promising start to a story. I'm curious to read more!
Thanks for your review!
I'm really glad to hear you liked it, and I'm super happy to hear the pacing was good. Pacing is one of the things I really struggle with as a writer; I'm always petrified that a scene is too slow or too rushed. I'm glad to hear you thought it moved fine.
Thanks again! If you have any questions I'd be glad to answer them, or I can leave them to future chapters, haha.
Hey, here to leave a review for ya.
"As the night opened its gaping maw to swallow the sun,"
Love this personification, really is a great beginning.
"« •◐• »"
Where did you even find this divider? (Is that was its called?) Its awesome, and really helps the mood of the story. I need something like this for my stories, where did you find this?
"This was her first time hunting without him. He had been called north at dawn, seven moons ago, and had yet to send word of when he would return."
A promising premise to explore in future chapters. Is it war?
"If she could kill a snow bear, they would eat for a year."
Geez, this things huge.
Overall, I liked this story a lot, was well constructed and a good read. I'm excoited to see where this goes, if she kills the bear, what happened to her father, what type of world this is set in, etc.
8/10, a fun read.
Hey, thanks for the review!
As for the scene break thing, I kind of cobbled it together myself. Haha. I googled for some keyboard symbols, found the center one, and copy/pasted it into the others (which are all standard alt-code symbols you can create using a number pad).
It doesn't factor too much into the story right now, but Irina's father is actually a legendary warrior in her country. ;D He's called "The Lion of the South" because he helped the country in a border war against a northern nation, but he's been in hiding with his family since Irina was a toddler. It comes more into play later.
Quick question: Was there anything you had a question about, or felt like it wasn't explained enough in text? Did you see anything that didn't make sense?
Thanks again for the review!
Anything that didn't make sense to me will undoubtedly be explained in future chapters, so there was nothing that left me completely confused. It flowed really well.
Notify me on any future chapters, k?