what a haunting stomachache, i wonder who it misses right now

by LadyBug

Published June 11, 2023

12+ Mature Content

In Coffee makes writing better

A/N: this is supposed to have no real story or theme to it, it's just supposed to feel like a random spiral

Comments & reviews · 2
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alpacaboss
Review
alpacaboss wrote a review Review · Jun 13, 2023

Even though this is a random spiral, it shows one the inner depths of a person's line of thought and it brings different kinds of interpretations and possibilities. If you've read "Turtles All the Way Down" by John Green, I could say that the style you wrote the train of thought is similar to the main character, but much more messier (I'm not saying this in a bad way ehehe). It really helps us think of what kind of person we are looking at.

I find it interesting how you use your letter i's. The way I interpret it is that small "i" represents the imagination, her thoughts, and where it wanders off to. The character may be vividly imagining of walking down the streets of D.C. and sitting in a Dairy Queen parking lot. The big letter "I" represents reality. She has a haunting stomachache and admits that she is mentally ill. The last line backs up my entire claim.

I don't know how much more romanticizing I can put into lines of poetry about wanting to escape


The character may be going through a lot in their life, so they resort to romanticizing in poems. But this form of escapism won't do them any good, because they have to face the reality once more.

Overall, this is a haunting poem, examining the depths of human complexity and how our brain reacts to stressful/traumatic situations and experiences. If this is you, please do take care of yourself and remember that the people you are talking to here are not robots (lol). We are human beings who care for you and would be happy if you talked to us. And they did say that venting out to someone helps. Take care always.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.
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foxmaster
Review
foxmaster wrote a review Review · Jun 12, 2023

Foxmaster here! Sooo this is like a train of thought I assume? Well I enjoyed it and feel like it expressed the thoughts of people and how random it can get. I just feel like when you don't capitalize some of the Is and don't capitalize the rest of them it makes the story kind of disjointed, just like when you put the sentences in a different paragraph for no random reason. It's also making the story disjointed. I am no expert at poetry though so don't.mind me.
Foxmaster!!!

no the i's change as the format of the poem changes - see after i mention it :)

oh ok thanks.



The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown