Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Hi!!
This: was a great poem. You packed so many emotions in a few sentences which does two things:
-It impacts us much more but
-It is also a bit confusing at times.
I think you did great in encapsulating your own feelings. This is the goal of a poem so congratulations. It was also really pretty (the words you chose seem like the good ones, you couldnt have been more precise). But you also have to communicate your feelings to us readers. I love when things are specific but you could have made your descriptions a little less heavy. I think you also would need to work on your punctuation to help with taking in the informations.
Overall I liked the lexical fields of color, and the scene set from night to morning. I liked the second to last line, though I'd say I'm a bit disappointed with the last line, as it seems disconnected from the rest of the poem.
Congratulations this is a really good one!
Hello LadyBug!
I'm Elinor, and I hope you're having a great evening. I thought I would drop in to give you a quick review. This was a fantastic poem-- thank you for sharing this with the site. As Starling mentioned in their comment, there's a lot that you get across with so little.
Your first line is fantastic. I think we've all had to make late night runs to a drugstore for some reason or another, so I felt like I was there in that time and place with the narrator. Your next two lines are also very good, but there is where I start to lose a little bit of my sense of time and place. There's no sense that she has left the drugstore, so I imagine her wiping off the lipstick stains right then and there, which probably isn't what you intended. The second part of your third line "until it was my biggest inconvenience" -- I'm not really sure what this is supposed to evoke.
You get back on track with the last two stanzas, though. We don't know why this connection ended, but we don't need to. This is also a small and personal note, but I wonder if changing the last part to just "please let me forget" might give it more impact.
Overall, this a really strong piece that anyone who has gone through heartbreak can relate to.
Thanks for sharing, and I hope you have a great night!
Keep writing,
Elinor
This is so short and simple, yet so filled with emotion. Is this a narrative poem? It is very well written in a way that is deep but also surface. Keep Working on your writing as this could have some improvement in formatting, but other than that, it is great!