Note: the one red underline was intentional, and so is any lowercase!
OMG, I don't really have any suggestions, I just wanted to say this is super beautiful!I do have a few questions if you don't mind answering them if you get a moment, only because I love hearing how other writers think about different things.1. Is this a song? As a musician, the first thing that struck me about this piece is how lyrical it is. Plus, lines like "But New Years' Eve was lit with fireworks and birthday candles: you squeezed my hand and, / We spilled into that diner like maple syrup spilled on our midnight waffles" sounds a lot like a song lyric.2. I saw you commented at the top that the red underline is intentional, but I couldn't figure out why? It actually kind of threw me off a bit, since it stands out so much in a line that, in my opinion, would have more of an effect if it stayed blended with the rest of the lines around it.3. Not a question, just me crying over the line "Who would you be now, I had been there for you; / Who would I be now, if I was able to eat pink starbursts?" because that really struck me hard. I know a lot of people in the comments said the very last line was their favorite but I think that one was the most powerful of the entire piece.Overall, amazing job! I can't wait to see what you write next!
This hit me so unnecessarily hard. This is one of those rare poems that truly made me come this close to crying. As someone who is terrified of losing my friends (due to the fact my closest friend deals with mental health issues) this hit a part of me that is just absolutely terrified. I loved this poem because I really was able to touch my heart in a way many other poems couldn't. I don't know if you wrote this based on your own personal experiences, but if it is I wish you only the best in your healing. All I have left to say is, thank you, in a weird way I needed this, and I think other people probably do too. So thank you. Have a great day or night. Bye.
I'm seventeen now, but you're always going to be sixteen.
You're ethereal, were you ever even real?
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