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i promise one day you'll wish it hurt this little

by LadyBug



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110 Reviews

Points: 10575
Reviews: 110

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Thu Jun 06, 2024 6:54 am
alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! It is me again if you remember. You have wonderfully melancholic poems that seem abstract yet are deeply rooted in reality and I do love your style. You should try honing that and making a compilation of your works :>

Anyways, on to the review...

I find how the phrase "_____ is better when it's left undocumented." is found in each stanza. It gets progressively worse and worse. The first addresses a specific event in the narrator's life, the breakdown of her world. The second addresses her entire life and the last one attributes to mass deterioration.

There are some quotes I find particularly creative too such as "some words are better left unsaid, hidden in lines of google searches" and "when will you run away with me to cultures where this never happens".

In three stanzas, you wove a story so intricate yet so vague, leaving much to the interpretation of the reader. The first stanza can perhaps be attributed to a toxic relationship, where she withers at his touch yet craves it at the same time. The second stanza could have resulted from that toxic relationship and that she wants to give all the best to him, not giving him any idea of what the past relationship she had to result in her child. The last stanza is the most vague. I think she wants to escape from reality but who is calling her to run away with her? It could bear her past lover, her child or someone else? there are a dozen of ways to go about this.

Overall, this is a poignant poem and one weaved with woe, elegance, desperation and melancholy all in one, describing the complex emotions of the narrator's experience without giving concrete details. Great job!

Signing off,
alpacaboss




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Sun Jun 02, 2024 7:45 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hey (again) friend!! I have to leave you another review, because this poem really made me cry, because I found it so relatable.

Right from the start, it is so powerful:

some words are better left unsaid, hidden in lines of google searches,
"why do i cry when he touches me?"


I love this idea of life being better undocumented and deletable. Especially when it comes to really powerful emotions, like love. The image you paint in my mind shows a bunch of google searches, all from different aspects of your life. different pains and worries and confusion and people. and somewhere, hidden in there, is this simple question. that's just so heart breaking.

i dream of putting band-aids on my baby's first superficial wound,
"i promise one day you'll wish it hurt this little."


Oh I feel so many emotions reading this. Loss and confusion and reminiscing on the past and what could have been. Thinking back to childhood, wishing that you could have those pains that seemed to be so much, but are so little now. The line of never getting a chance twitch your mother break, well, that is really what got me. Thinking of life and death, life brings experiences and death brings the incense of so many 'what could have been' statements. You wrap this poem up so wonderfully, that last "it'll be okay, I promise" really finished it off nicely. Ending with promises. Starting with questions. The change from uncertainty to apparent certainty in the midst of confusion is beautiful.

Overall, wonderful poem, as always! Until next time!

Your friend,
Ellie

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