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jupiter wishes

by LadyBug

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29 Reviews

Points: 755
Reviews: 29

Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:14 pm
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GoodieGoat wrote a review...

Hello LadyBug I hope this finds you well.
This is a lovely poem. My first two impressions are that first, this poem is the most enigmatic I've probably yet come a crossed on the site, which gives me as the reader more room for introspection and interpretation. Second is that generally I prefer poems with a traditional rhyme scheme at the end of each line. Nevertheless I think the overall free verse structure with alliteration and a few internal rhymes sprinkled in really add to the thoughtfulness of your poem.

The way I personally interpret this is that there is some individual whose heart, companionship, and company is a source of carefree, unfiltered, astronomically powerful love. This is contrasted with Jupiter, keeping in tone with the space themes. Who is this massive bulk slowly grinding about the solar system. Who yearns for a similar fellowship but alas is deprived of it leaving a gaping whole in his heart. Perhaps as well Jupiter's size and being the foremost god of Roman mythology undercuts the depth and scope of the main character's love. As for the last stanza, perhaps this is a way of expressing just how much this person means to you as the author. The fact that the sunrise 'never combusts' yet a 'solstice has yet to implode' is a reflection that meaningful relationships in real life never truly "culminate". Yet every moment of that relationship is a splendid and intense as the alignment of astronomical bodies.

The only critiques I can offer are on the grammar. Unless it was done deliberately I'd change the "...when he meets you eyes" to "...when he meets your eyes", and "jupiter wishes his juxtaposed to the consistency you have." to "jupiter wishes he was (or 'could be') juxtaposed to the consistency you have."

I hope I've been of encouragement! :D GoodieGoat

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25 Reviews

Points: 155
Reviews: 25

Mon Oct 31, 2022 4:22 pm
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VintageGirl wrote a review...

Hi, VintageGirl here!

I don't have a lot to say because... wow. You conveyed so much in a few sentences. I love the alliteration in the last line about the "solar-system solstice." The entire thing has a nice flow. I also love the allusions to love throughout, platonic or romantic. I can't decide which line I love more:

"your incandescence, a phosphorescence, essence i can't quite capture"


"and i learned in my 5th grade science class that planets have heartbeats too."

There is one typo in the poem, in the first line. I think you wrote "you" instead of "your." But overall, excellent poem.

Keep writing!

LadyBug says...

awww, thank you so much!

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1149 Reviews

Points: 138
Reviews: 1149

Sat Oct 29, 2022 6:45 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...

This poem is so gorgeous. :0 I can see the stars and solar system with the words written in this. It’s like the whole solar system is sparkling. I think that it’s about your admiration for your friend and the imagery from the words are really cool. At least, that’s what I think it’s about. Reading this, it feels like a romance, with allusions to space.

Great job and keep on writing!

I wish you a wonderful day/night.

LadyBug says...

thank you!! i'm glad my point comes across, it's about a man named bert who i met while at a butcher's shop in Italy!

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56 Reviews

Points: 2448
Reviews: 56

Sat Oct 29, 2022 1:04 pm
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akanbright says...

It's nice, I give u. Although I didn't really know what you were trying to paint but it's cool😊

LadyBug says...

i give u back %uD83D%uDE0A

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11 Reviews

Points: 76
Reviews: 11

Sat Oct 29, 2022 1:10 am
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crescentmoonprodigy wrote a review...

This isn't really a review-review, if you catch my drift. I just truly admire the way you wrote this, and it's clear to see that it's maybe not a romantic kind of love, but a deep, platonic love that goes deeper than the distance between planets. I don't know. It's just beautiful and I'm obsessed with it, especially this line:

"and i learned in 5th grade science class that the planets have heartbeats too."


LadyBug says...

thank you so much!

The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything.
— Voltaire