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12+

you taste like breezy, open-windowed evenings

by LadyBug



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333 Reviews

Points: 189
Reviews: 333

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Wed Feb 08, 2023 3:44 pm
retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Hello there! Retro for a review!

So really love your imagery in this and the way you develop your ideas. You've done very well in creating a microcosm of something shared intimately with someone who I can commend you for - it almost smells like suncream and solitude so very impressive work.

In all honestly there's nothing overly to critique here other than I want more. Naturally it's a short poem, but could you bring out more from this? I'm thinking almost an in an Andre Aciman way - can you give more from this intimacy. Give me more about the orange popsicles.

Amazing work though - it's fantastic.

~Retro




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22 Reviews

Points: 442
Reviews: 22

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Mon Jan 30, 2023 3:04 pm
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yamatri wrote a review...



hey , I am here for the review !

so lets begin , I have to say you have a very nice way of setting the image of the summer , it's almost felt nostalgic the orange popsicle, the breezy open window evening. the newfound confidence of the adolescent in love, the boyfriend who will return to never love you again, it's a very beautiful glimpse of the teenager's summer.

YOURE SO BEAUTIFULLY CLANDESTINE...
I suppose you are describing your secret relationship, the side eye glance with burton Que reward

I AM Elizabeth ..

this part confused the hell out of me since you used burton Que I thought Elizabeth must be a character in burton's movie that you have compared yourself to which I searched I couldn't find anything like that, if it's your name then I am not sure why you used your name here.

FOR YOU MY ....
I love this line it, it further establishes that you are writing from the future after the romance.

YOU TASTE LIKE ..
very nostalgic comparison and beautifully written

I WANT A THOUSAND MORE ...
this one confuses me, it's simple but 182 days as to why, is there a special meaning to that
I did all calculation nothing gave 182 days as result ,i suppose your romance lasted for 182-day because that is the only thing I can think of but if that is the case the ( because ) doesn't make sense.

Other than that, I love it, it very nostalgic and well written.

HOPE IT HELPS.





the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren