Published January 30, 2023
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
Hello there! Retro for a review!
So really love your imagery in this and the way you develop your ideas. You've done very well in creating a microcosm of something shared intimately with someone who I can commend you for - it almost smells like suncream and solitude so very impressive work.
In all honestly there's nothing overly to critique here other than I want more. Naturally it's a short poem, but could you bring out more from this? I'm thinking almost an in an Andre Aciman way - can you give more from this intimacy. Give me more about the orange popsicles.
Amazing work though - it's fantastic.
~Retro
hey , I am here for the review !
so lets begin , I have to say you have a very nice way of setting the image of the summer , it's almost felt nostalgic the orange popsicle, the breezy open window evening. the newfound confidence of the adolescent in love, the boyfriend who will return to never love you again, it's a very beautiful glimpse of the teenager's summer.
YOURE SO BEAUTIFULLY CLANDESTINE...
I suppose you are describing your secret relationship, the side eye glance with burton Que reward
I AM Elizabeth ..
this part confused the hell out of me since you used burton Que I thought Elizabeth must be a character in burton's movie that you have compared yourself to which I searched I couldn't find anything like that, if it's your name then I am not sure why you used your name here.
FOR YOU MY ....
I love this line it, it further establishes that you are writing from the future after the romance.
YOU TASTE LIKE ..
very nostalgic comparison and beautifully written
I WANT A THOUSAND MORE ...
this one confuses me, it's simple but 182 days as to why, is there a special meaning to that
I did all calculation nothing gave 182 days as result ,i suppose your romance lasted for 182-day because that is the only thing I can think of but if that is the case the ( because ) doesn't make sense.
Other than that, I love it, it very nostalgic and well written.
HOPE IT HELPS.