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Young Writers Society



TV static and eminent shards of glass

by LadyBug


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70 Reviews

Points: 6980
Reviews: 70

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Wed Feb 01, 2023 11:48 am
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Euphory wrote a review...



oh my god???
disclaimer this is not a full blown review, just something i happened to stumble upon spontaneously, but
i love this so much???

i think my absolute favorite thing about this is how cohesive your entire poem is, like a laser focused vignette of this failed relationship with someone, and i am obsessed with the way you lay out your observations on this person and your feelings regarding them using CHEMISTRY
like-

ionic equilibrium in international anarchy

the way you contrast the strength of an ionic bond and the languid system of an anarchy (or atleast that is the way i interpreted it)

did your discontent find contedness in our broken glass and chemical bonds

HELLO??? THIS CLEVER WORDPLAY??? DISCONTENT FINDING CONTENTEDNESS ?? next time i meet someone who is constantly complaining and dissatisfied, I WILL REMEMBER THIS DESCRIPTION

new jaded elitism

the oxymoron !!!!! aHHHHH

AND THOSE LAST VERSES DESCRIBING THE NATURE OF IONIC BONDS FORMED THROUGH ANIONS AND CATIONS AS A METAPHOR FOR HOW TWO PEOPLE ACTING AS POLAR OPPOSITES ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER!!! AND ELECTRONS BEING THE REASON THAT METALS BECOME LUSTROUS AND SHINY AND YOU EXPRESS THAT THROUGH the term "ever-anionic opulence"

AND GLASS BEING IONICALLLY BONDED ABOUT TO SHATTER APART AS A METAPHOR FOR THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF AND ITS EMINENT DESTRUCTION DESCRIBED AS COLLISION THEORY-

this is perfect this poem has me REELING i LOVE IT!!!




LadyBug says...


OMG thank youuuuu!! you get it omg thank you so much



Euphory says...


YOU'RE WELCOME and i'm so glad i got it :') this was a DELIGHT to read



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7 Reviews

Points: 15
Reviews: 7

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Wed Feb 01, 2023 2:07 am
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Istellur wrote a review...



Forgive me if this seems a little messy, I'm far more rusty at this then I should be. I really enjoyed this poem and I'd like to give a review of it. The first thing that stood out to me is coincidently the first part of the poem, you start it off by using 'and', which is something I don't really see a lot of. I think it creates a very nice rolling sense to the entire piece, as though it is continuing off of something else to become it's own thing. It certainly helps to create an initial sense of mystery which I feel helps to build the dramatic elements introduced later. In general, I'd say that your word choice really stands out, and is one of things about this poem. My only real complaint would be it's length but I think that it more than makes up for that in the end and it isn't really much of an issue.

Overall, very well done.




LadyBug says...


thank you!




“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell