Published August 13, 2025
𝘺𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥
𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴.
𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥.
𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳,
𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦,
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘴.
𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳?
★★★
𝘪 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴,
𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴; 𝘪 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘯.
𝘸𝘦 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵’𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘥𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯,
𝘪’𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘦
𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴,
𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭’𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯.
𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦; 𝘪 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴.
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This is concise and nice I love it
hey there! :]
I've always enjoyed the theme of impermanence in poetry, and it is really intriguing when juxtaposed with the real-life implications of growing up. The narrator seems stuck in a transient state, e.g. their continuous marking of days on the calendar, paired with tending to dying flowers, reflects their struggle against understanding / reconciling with their impermanence. Growing up has always scared me as well--especially since adulthood is so exaggerated--and this poem really shows how stuck the narrator is within their ways / what they know as true. The very domestic and mundane acts show that even further, and that is really realistic imagery since it's so commonly understood by so many people.
The mundanity does feel repetitive though; the cooling coffee and the marking of the calendar is relatable, but I feel that the accumulation of similar domestic actions can become redundant over time. If the narrator is feeling stuck in their youth / almost rejecting the act of moving in time, that could personify itself in other ways besides these very banal images. That could be one half of who they are, but the narrator exists in a plane beyond these simple rituals. I would've loved to see expansion on the other figure as the other reviewer mentioned for this reason as well, since it could expand on *who* the narrator is without this framing. I could understand if it is purposefully vague, but it feels more natural to explain in subtext.
There’s potential to deepen the contrast between private and public self in general, especially since the 'missed signals' monologue feels rich yet underexplored. I am picking up on the idea that the narrator is having issues in social contexts because of their fear / alienation from the feeling of moving on and possibly changing. Their friends could pick up on that--especially if they are close, which it feels--and it would open up the narrative to shift into something more emotionally vulnerable on the idea of growing apart. I'd suggest to expand on what the missed signals are in reference to, and you could write about how they change the perspective of the narrator / those around them. Time passing changes everyone, either for worse or for better, and that is the theme after all; everyone goes through this eventually.
I hope this helps!
lina
Thank you!
Hi LadyBug!
Exploring the idea of the passage of time through love/loss is powerful. Coffee getting cold, flowers dying, cutting hair. I think they're all great images of how time never stops and things do eventually come to an end (or at the very least, change). The selection of imagery all pinpoints exactly the message I think you're getting across.
Love this line!
I also really love the title! Hair is often seen as a very personal, identifiable characteristic to one's identity, and cutting it as a symbol of loss works so well. This title is what initially drew me to this piece, and it's very much a universally understood analogy to loss that works well in the context of this poem.
I like that the final line is the title of the poem, too; however, I almost wish it was saved for that and the title was different, to make it more impactful? It didn't feel quite as unexpected as it could have been to me personally. I feel, too, that the title current reflects your general theme but only touches upon the hair imagery, not the other descriptions you have throughout the poem. It could be worthwhile playing around with this -- more hair imagery earlier on, to lead up to the end, or broadening the title to align with the other imagery you have going on, etc. All just some ideas!
Something that also stood out to me was the introduction of the "you" in the second stanza; it wasn't completely unexpected, but I do feel like it would be interesting to expand upon the speaker's relationship with this person. We get hints with the mention of Halloween, the mall, and dinners -- I wonder if there's more that could be unpacked? I really like the exploration of this relationship and would love to see more of the emotional side of it. I also like the idea that you could tie the speaker's hair into the relationship itself (eg, the person braiding their hair, dyeing it, etc) to depict its involvement and evolution throughout the piece and their time together.
Overall, this was an illustrative, angsty piece. I relate deeply to the speaker which is why a lot of the descriptions here hit home for me!
phantasm
Thank you!