Freznel reached the office earlier than Marldon. She walked in her cabin, moving her fingers in air, impatiently in front of her heart. She was thinking about something. Oh, Marldon! Come fast! I want to tell you something urgently... Marldon, fast!
As soon as Marldon arrived, she walks into his cabin.
" Marldon, I want to tell you something. "
" Yes... Why are you so restless, my dear? " asked Marldon.
" Marldon, I forgot to tell you yesterday--That... Erwin... "
" Wait, relax. " Marldon gave her some water to drink. He continued, " Now tell me, what's the matter?"
She gulped down few drops of water and said, " Marldon, Erwin sent me a friend request on Facebook. He looked really innocent from the photo. He said that he is working for print media and he can make me famous. He asked me to meet in Chocolate n Nuts coffee house on the last Sunday. I went with full preparations for self defence. But he did not do anything to me. He called me yesterday for an interview which he said he would publish. He talked with his boss on phone about the interview. But I forgot about that and didn't went there yesterday. "
" Hmm... then what's the trouble? " he asked calmly.
" Yesterday, I received his message on Fb. He said that we could meet on the coming Sunday if I don't have time. "
" What did you say? "
" I said that would be better. But now, I am afraid. What if he is angry and tries to harm me this Sunday? I am worried, Marldon. What should I do? "
" Hmm... Don't you worry. I will come there with you, secretly. If he does anything to you, I will save you and also I will call the police. Okay? "
" Hmm... Thank you so much, Marldon. "
" Don't thank me ,baby. I love you and I will not let anyone even touch your hair. "
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey Eros! Long time no review!
Guess what this is? My 200th review yo.
Is this some foreshadowing? :O If it is, that makes me a bit nervous! I believe this little piece of dialogue could be a bit smoother. It feels just a bit choppy, and I think it would sound better to the ear/tongue if it was "polished" up a bit.
I don't recall if Marldon has told her he loves her, yet, but usually it's more of a sentimental moment, if you get where I'm getting at. This chapter just felt too anxious and tense for Marldon to say this, y'know? I did love the line, though! Very cute.
I may have said this in one of my previous reviews, but you don't need a space before/after the quotation mark! ;D It's unnecessary and makes the chapter look a bit more unprofessional.
Basically, you can just delete the space in between the quote and Hmm, and the quote and Marldon.
Not much happened in this chapter but it definitely gave clues as to what is going to happen soon! I'm really excited and the dialogue between Marldon and Freznel was almost "mysterious".
I think that's all I have to say this time! On to the next chapter, and happy review day!
~ EternalRain
Wooowwwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! 200th review!!! AWESOME, EternalRain, AWESOME! Keep that up!
Thank you so much for the review! I will delete the spaces, really very soon... Ohh noo!! It's just five minutes to 3 p.m.!!! I have not packed my baggg for the tuition!!! I have my tuition from 3p.m. to 8 p.m. So, it's going really too much busy.
Once again thank you very much for the review!
I would just say, your and Greatking's reviews always help me to correct myself. I learn new thingies from both of you.
Thanx again!
Hello there! As №1 fan of your story, I am here to check and review it. I can not really say that I understand why she is so nervous because she had met Erwin already but this is writer's choice. I found things that you can correct and we will look at them together.
I really like this part as I liked each previous part of this story of yours. I have no complain related with the storyline. I hope to see the next part soon.
You need comma at the end of the first place with the speech because he continued talking and the second part in which he speaks is a sequal.
He can not be a media. 'He is media' is wrong, so?
He works for the media so correct it the way you want it.
You do not need comma before 'if'.
You need comma before his name.
You need comma before 'baby'.
That is all from me. Good job and keep on writing.
Thank you so much, GreatKing! I have edited it.
Welcome.