Young Writers Society

Hey there Eros. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin. Quick note. Sorry in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes within my review. Also I'll try and keep this brief and not take up too much time.

First off before I talk about anything else, the first paragraph needs split up. I knew this before even thoroughly reading it but I am sure of that conclusion now. Also, I'm bothered by the overuse of 'she'. It seems like half of your sentence describing he mc's actions start with 'she'. It gets quite annoying and makes the writing very choppy to read through.

I think the best solution here would to be to combine some sentences. I saw a lot of the 'she' sentences were very short and described action. You could easily combine two or more and not mess up the meaning.

Second, I did not have a chance to read any of your past chapters because of time restraints. So Frenzil was captured by 'the Boss' and is now being held prisoner. That's about all I know from the previous chapters. But I think that's enough for me to understand any future chapters. I saw a few more of them in the green room.

That last line about guessing the boss, needs to be separated a bit more from the rest of the story. Maybe put it in bold like I always see done for authors notes. This sort of comment seems to be similar to an author note.

The story itself seems to have an interesting concept. The title tells me these adventures are most likely from her teenage years. And I'm guessing she will be the hero against he boss and his men. Correct me if any of that was wrong. So the boss was someone she knew? I guess I will have to go and read the next chapter to find out.

I am unable to provide a action of grammar and spelling today. Luckily for me the previous reviewer pointed out a couple of spots for you but I didn't see which ones. Most of what I saw was typos that don't affect the way your chapter reads.

Well that's about all I have for this review. I had to keep it short but the chapter length helped with that. I actually prefer short chapters hat still manage to include enough detail to keep it interesting. Good luck with the rest of your chapters.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

King Here

Hello there! Here to review your amazing work, lovely writer. As always, I follow your story and I feel bad that I had not noticed the release of so many following parts, not only one.
Slowly I will go through them and see with what I can help you with. I like this part because of the description of the dirty empty room she is in and her feelings about the situation she is in. Surely, it is a shock for her to see where she is and what is going to happen with me afterwards.
Now, to the edits.

The throbbing of her head, matched frequencies with her heartbeat.

She widened her eyes to be able to see clearly. But she could not see anything clear.

There was a gas sprayed in the room due to which her head throbbed, and her vision was doubled, rotatory, and blurred.