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The Terrible Youth of Freznel: 25

by Eros

Chapter 25 : The half decoded code...

Hell and Zelinsky left the coffee house. 

"It is quite late, Hell. Come, I'll drive you to your house." said Zelinsky.

Hell replied, "Oh, no no, Zelinsky! It's fine. I'll go in the auto. Don't you take pains, my friend."

"You call me your friend on one hand, and on the other hand you say that I am taking pains for you? What kinda pains are there in dropping my friend to his house?" 

Hell hit Zelinsky's shoulder with his palm and said, "Oh, Zelinsky! You are my are my friend."

Zelinsky smiled.

Zelinsky dropped Hell to his house and returned back to his home. 

Hell changed his clothes, had dinner and slipped in the bed. His body was tired and within no time he fell asleep. But after about two and a half hours, he suddenly woke up. The calmness of his sleep had dried off. He went into the balcony to breathe in the cool, fresh, soothing air. He looked at the sky and then looked straight forward towards the huge tree, and got lost in the deep darkness. He was lost in deep thoughts about how to solve the coded mystery.

There, Zelinsky was lying on his bed, turning from side to side and trying to sleep. Finally he woke up. He went down the staircase. He walked towards the kitchen. Zelinsky poured a glass of water and drank it. His house maid woke up on hearing the noise of the glass. So she went in the kitchen to see who it was. 

"Sir, what happened?" said Merry, the maid.

"Nothing, Merry. Just unable to sleep because of the heat. Don't worry, you may go and sleep."

"Yes, sir." Merry left.

Zelinsky drank water and went upstairs towards the bedroom. He went near the window and raised up the curtains. He began staring down, eyes lost in the moist soil spread under the window, in which there was a baby olive plant. He too was thinking about the mysterious talks.

After some time both Zelinsky and Hell fell asleep in their respective houses. But neither of them slept quietly the whole night. The mystrious talking between Steward and his boss stole their night's peace and sound sleep.

In the morning, both of them met in the CID beauro. Volhard and A.C.P Cannizaro were also there.

Hell and Zelinsky told them about the mysterious talks between Stew and his boss. Zelinsky had already finished playing the recording 15 times last night, and now began playing it the 16th time, this time in front of the officers. The deep cracked voice of the boss and the light, chirpy voice of Stew saying, "Yes, sir.", echoed the beauro.

Hell wrote the statements on the whiteboard in his magnetic handwriting:

"Well, according to the next plans, you have to go to the secret spot, 'Sevril Pockocea-4 '. You will see 1118 over there. W.M gives you K to 1118. Take the bag and reach Loombale on 'sixteen-five-one-eighteen-twelve' road."

"Yes, Sir." 

Volhard opened the drawer of her desk and removed the map. She pinned it to the wooden board and kept it just beside the stand holding the whiteboard.

"Sevril pockocea-4? What the hell is this place?!" said ACP Cannizaro.

"How do I know, sir?" replied Hell.

"I didn't ask you, Hell. I simply said, what the 'hell' is this place. Hell is the devilish place. I am not taking about you, Hell." explained ACP.

"Sorry, sir." Hell stick out his tongue after realizing his misconception between the phrase and his name. Zelinsky laughed in his cheeks.

Hell took out his small pocket diary and began unscrambling the letters of Sevril Pockocea.

He wrote:

Sevril   Servil   Selvri   Lesriv  Lervis Sliver Selvir... 

"Silver!!" Hell blurted out loud.

Everyone present there got scared on hearing the sudden out burst of Hell. Zelinsky was about to say something but he was stopped by ACP. 

ACP Cannizaro put his index finger on his lips to gesture and tell Zelinsky not to disturb Hell.

Hell began unscrambling the word Pockocea.

He wrote:

Pockocea   Peckocoa Coapeack...

"Peacock?", he whispered softly.

"Silver Peacock.... Silver Peacock! Yes!! Zelinsky! Look for Silver Peacock Mansion in the map. Quick." shouted Hell.

Zelinsky scanned the map and said that he has found it.

" it is this mansion that they were talking about." said Cannizaro.

Hell swung around the chair. He stood up and walked towards the whiteboard. He rubbed the Sevril Pockocea on the board and wrote Silver Peacock there.

So now it became: 

Well, according to the next plans, you have to go to the secret spot, 'Silver Peacock-4 '...

"But what is this 4?" said Zelinsky.

"May be it is the lane no." suggested Volhard.

"Hmm...yes. Lane number." agreed Zelinsky.

"I think we should go into the Silver Peacock. We will get to know the next thing from there only." siad Zelinsky.

Everyone agreed and left the beauro.

Volhard, Zlisky and Hell sat in the car with Zelinsky driving. He drove the car towards the Silver Peacock Mansion in the lane number 4. 

"There are two mansions with same name in lane number 2 and lane number 4. That's why the boss specified '4' ." said Volhard.

Zelinsky parked the car far away from the mansion.

They stepped out of the car. They went into the mansion.

"1118... 1118... Urrghh!!". Hell held his head.

"Heyy!! hu rrre yyoo!!??", shouted the watchman.

" See. He is also drunken. So much that he can't even speak clearly." said Hell. 

Zelinsky sighed. 

"We are CID." said Zelinsky.

"C-CID?!" replied the watcman. A drop of sweat began taking birth on his forehead, and he returned to his senses though only 80%. But it was enough to have a good balance of his body.

He started to run. But soon he was caught by Zelinsky. 

Zelinsky slapped the watchman so hard that he fell down with his cheeks brushing against the gravel sand of the ground.

The watchman apologized, "Sorry, sir... but I was asked to give the k---"

He was inturrupted by the screeching sound of the brakes of a car. 

Zelinsky cupped his hand over the mouth of the watchman. Zelinsky's grip was too strong. The watchman was suffocated because of the cupped hand of Zelinsky.

Zelinsky whispered to the watchman, "Listen carefully... you are not to open your mouth about our presence over here. Go and attend the person in the car. Just keep SHUT!", Zelinsky increased the volume of his voice at the word 'shut' and he released his hand off the watchman's mouth.

The watchman breathed hard and quite fast, and said, "Y-y-y-yes, s-sir."

Hell hid behind one of the huge trees planted inside the mansion at the borders of the big open space. Volhard and Zelinsky hid behind the compound wall of the mansion.

The watchman walked towards the black Bolero car which arrived only recently. The door opened. The hidden officers were keeping a constant eye on the door of the car. 

Steward stepped out of the big car. He raised his black sunglasses over his forehead, rolled his eyes in every direction to satisfy his heart regarding the doubt of the presence of CID, and then placed the glasses back on his eyes. Steward had a dangerous personality, like that of a real gangster.

I can smell the presence of CID here... I'd better be cautious... Steward thought.

"Is everything alright, Chhakku?" Steward asked Chhakku, the watchman.

"Y-yes!" answered Chhakku.

Stew hid his laughter behind his lips and asked, "What happened to your cheeks? Did you have a wrestling match with someone?"

"Ah-no-no, sir... I-I fell down. I d-r-drank quite a lot..." replied Chhakku.

Stew frowned, "Why are you afraid? Is CID here?", he expressed his doubt. 

"No, no sir. How can the CID be here?" Chakku tried to relax Stew's anxiety.

No... I am sure CID is here... Chhakku is telling lies. I am sure Zelinsky beat him. I am well aware of Zelinsky's intensity of hitting people... Stew thought as he rolled his eyes behind the sunglasses. His eye caught the white sleeve of Zelinsky's shirt behind the compund wall.

Hmm... so here they are hidden... Stew slowly put his hands near the belt of his pants. Very slowly he started to remove his gun. His actions were very secretive and unnoticiable.

Nobody from the CID team could even think that Stew was removing his gun...

Stew now increased the pace of his action and quickly removed the gun. As soon as he was about to apply pressure on the trigger, Hell removed his gun and fired on Stew's hand.

Stew moved his hand away and the shot missed. The watchman was frightened from the inner soul of his body and ran out of the mansion, taking his life in his fist.

Stew fired back on Hell. Hell hid himself behind the tree. The bullet got embedded in the trunk of the tree. Zelinsky got involved in the fighting. He fired two bullets back to back on Stew, from which Stew escaped. Stew was quite expert in gun fights.

The window of the black Swift car was opening slowly. Nobody observed it, but Volhard did. She fired on the hand, which was holding a gun from the open window. The hand was injured, but the man didn't give up. He raised up and fired back. 

Hell saved herself and said, "An injured tiger grows bloody..." The fight was growing vigourously. So the eight men hiding inside the car stepped out and indulged in the scary, fiery war. The gun shots echoed the lonely mansion which had been so quiet until the fight began.

Each one was fiering the oppesite team mates. Hell was a sharp shooter and had finished injuring and making five players out of the game. Zelinsky was surrounded with three men. He jumped up high and kicked two of them with his heavy legs. The two men fell down. He fired the third man directly on his chest. Steward aimed at Zelinsky and fired in the direction of Zelinsky's upper back. 

"Zelisky!!" shouted Hell and he ran speedily, and pushed Zelinsky out of the way. The bullet went straight into the chest of Hell. 

"Hell!" Zelinsky shouted.

Stew and the other injured men ran away. 

Hell was injured badly. He was bleeding too much. He was hospitalized in City Care Hospital.

Read more to know more.

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494 Reviews

Points: 5557
Reviews: 494

Sun Jul 10, 2016 4:48 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...

Hello again!

I'm glad to see your story progressing- I always find it inspiring seeing people pushing forward and actually getting their novels written. And you have a very action-packed story! Which is good because it drives the story forward! Kudos to you, my friend!

He went into the balcony to breathe in the cool, fresh, soothing air.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this is a bit of a cliche- people going out and wanting fresh air on a balcony when they can't sleep. Personally, I would probably find it eerie and not want to go out like that on a night that I couldn't sleep. I mean obviously a character like Hell probably wouldn't have a problem like that... but maybe just think about it? Does he really need to go onto the balcony? Maybe he just got up and decided to do a bit of reading instead- or better yet, maybe he decided to do a bit of reading out on the balcony! It's really your choice, I just thought I'd let you know what was going through my mind.

"Yes, sir." Merry left.

The scene with Merry was very brief, so brief that I wonder if it was necessary. It was just a quick exchange where the maid checked on him but he was fine so he told her to go back to bed- not obviously sometimes exchanges are brief in real life, but in a book, if it's not really relevant to the story that it's there, and it's not really entertaining or adding in another way, why put it there? A way that would make it less awkward perhaps is if you just narrated that it happened, so it's not just this tiny section of dialogue that we don't really need to know about. An example would be: His maid came to check on him but he dismissed her. See how simple that is? Then it kind of cuts down on the excess writing that may not be needed in the story, but sort of gives it depth in a sense. Of course it's up to you!

"I think we should go into the Silver Peacock. We will get to know the next thing from there only."

I feel like this is a bad plan. They're going into something blind! Why go to the place without knowing what room to look for or anything! That just seems like a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

Steward had a dangerous personality, like that of a real gangster.

Maybe go into a little more detail here- how was Stew's personality like that of a gangster? Did he talk like a gangster? Did he kill someone every Tuesday just to keep his reputation up? Did he sell drugs? Did he ride a black car around town- tell us! We want to know! Don't be afraid to go into detail about characters too much, when it's describing their personality. It's generally interesting.

Anyway, I hope you keep it up! It's coming along well! ^_^


Eros says...

Heya, my friend!
Thank you so much for the review! I'll try to edit it and make it even more nice.

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485 Reviews

Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Fri Jun 10, 2016 3:11 pm
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Elijah wrote a review...

King Here

Hello there. This part was really action filled. Full of drama and trigger. It made me feel excited and interested. I think it was overall amazing if we do not count small mistakes that you may not have noticed because the part is rather long than short or you just did not think of double checking for now. I still do not get why no one else is not reading this novel and saying their opinion about it by reviewing but who knows. I do it because I feel the need to. I hope I help you while I point out some stuff and tips down below.

"Oh, Zelinsky! You are my are my friend,"

You do not have such an obvious mistake. I do not know if I can call this a mistake either.
I noticed it though. You can put comma after 'friend' indeed but only when after that you have an action/event and then dialogue again. Dialogue, action, dialogue.
Comma by itself means that you are not done. You will do something more or you will say something more. This is what your dialogue part here seems like also. So, where is the sequal? No where, right? So there is none. You do not continue this dialogue, by dialogue I meant the one that only one narrator is creating. If you do not think of continuing his speech, do not use a comma ( which means you will continue it ).

But after about two and a half hours he suddenly woke up.

I think this is optional but if the dependent part is in front of the independent one, you need a comma. So comma before 'he suddenly'.

There, Zelinsky was lying on his bed, turning from side to side and tying to sleep.

'tying' needs to be 'trying'.

His house-maid woke up on hearing the noice of the glass and thus she went in the kitchen to see who it was.

'house-maid' is 'house maid' and 'noice' is 'noise'. 'thus' I may not sure of but I think 'then' is acceptable on its place.

"Yes, sir",

As I know, you do not write in a style which contains no marks to end the sentences. I think you had forgotten to put it after 'sir'.

" I didn't ask you, Hell. I simply said, what the 'hell' is this place. Hell is the devilish place.

Hell took out his small, pocket diary and began unscrambling the letters of Sevril Pockocea.

You do not need space between the quote mark and 'I didn't'. This mistake is throught the whole second part.

You can not put comma between 'small' and 'pocket'.
To always check the right way to use it or not every time just switch the order of the adjectives.

pocket small diary

Stew slowly put his hands near the belt of his pant.

I think 'pants' always comes as a pair?

Stew fired back on hell.

Hell is a name.

He jumped up high, and kicked two of them with his heavy legs.

No comma if the dependent part is second.

Overall, I really liked this part. I hope Stew and the bloody bastards actually get caught. But maybe that will happen later. I feel very bad for Hell indeed. He is not a main but still a very interesting narrator that I start to learn more about. Hope to see more soon.

Keep on writing.

Eros says...

Thanks for the review.

I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.
— Leslie Knope