Erwin was waiting in the coffee house. Freznel was five minutes late. She was a little nervous and afraid since it was her first meeting with a total stranger. She went to the coffee house with full plans. What would she do if the stranger tried to harm her in any ways? So she wrapped some chilly powder in paper, and kept it in her golden hand purse which made a good contrast with the casual, silver, long frock she was wearing.
The place wasn't so crowdy that day. There was a group of few studious girls. The low humming of their voice which she could hear, suggested that they were probably having some discussion on a project. She saw a man sitting on one of the round tables in the coffee house. He was in a red shirt and slate coloured pant. She guessed it was Erwin.
" Hi, Erwin! " she called out.
" Oh hi, Freznel! " the man replied.
" How are you? " asked Erwin softly. He was captivated by her hazel eyes lined with black, thin eyeliner.
" I am fine. What about you? " aked Freznel.
" I am fine as well ... Well, lets come to the point. So, where do you work right now? I need to have the background before I make you famous... "
Freznel first gave a suspicious look. Then said, " I work in Fraunhoffer Fashion House. May I know in what media you work? "
" I am working in print media. You might have heard about The Times of Weins. " explained Erwin.
" Yes, yes.I know about it "
"Ma'am, Sir, what do you desire to have? " asked Steward, a waiter of the coffee house. He felt an intense desire to touch Freznel's soft, blonde hair. He had never seen that shine on anyone's hair before. But he did not, and tried to remain at his level.
" I would prefer a cup of cold coffee. " spoke Freznel.
" Same for me too. " Erwin said, turning his head towards Steward.
" Yes, ma'am, sir. " Steward left, trying to save himself from the arrows of beauty, shot by her hazel eyes. He tried to mind his own business.
" So, you work in Fraunhoffer Fashion House. Is it the one, which is near the Town Hall building? " questioned Erwin. "
" Yeah. " Freznel said with a suspicion.
" So, the first step of my plan. "
" What plan!?!" Freznel exclaimed with a tone as a blender of 12% fear, and 88% doubt.
" Oh, dear! Don't distrust me. See, the plan is that I am going to publish your interview in the Times Of Wiens. Then I'll ask my boss to make a column for you in the newspaper. This way you will get name and fame through your column. You may even get a chance to design the dresses of the celebrities! "
Freznel started to fantasize. But in a short time, she returned to her senses.
Erwin began to talk again, " Okay so, I have---" Make me a channel of your peace, where there is hatred let me bring your love... " Excuse me, Freznel. My phone "
Freznel gestured with her fair palms and closing her eyes, that he may talk.
" Goodmorning, sir... Yes, sir... I was just talking to her about it... Pardon?... Miss Freznel... yes sir... no sir... yes, sir? Oh! Yes, yes, I 'll write that article within 2 days... Ok, sir... bye sir. "... Erwin talked with his boss on phone.
" What did you say about me, Erwin? " asked Freznel. She gave a distrustful look to him.
" Oh, it was my boss. I told him that I was just talking to you about the interview. "
"Oh! "
"Your cold coffee sir... madam..." Steward uttered these words as he laid the two white, plastic cups of coffee--one before Erwin and the other before Freznel. He left as soon as he finished his job.
Freznel had a sip of coffee.
" So, I was saying that, I will prepare the questions of the interview today. Be prepared for it. " Erwin had a mouthful of coffee too.
" Okay. "
" Today's not that hot. Isn't it Freznel ". said Erwin as he ran his brown hand over the french beard on his chocolate - silk cheeks. "
" Hmm... It is better than yesterday. " said Freznel as she had another sip of coffee.
They talked on general topics until they finished their cold coffee.
Slowly, Freznel was getting less suspicious on him.
" Let's meet tomorrow here. ", said Erwin.
" Hmm. ", replied Freznel.
" Bye, dear! "
"Bye."
They went to their respective homes. Steward was watching them till the last, secretly. After they left. He followed Freznel, very quietly. Who knows if he had listened their talks also?
Read next chapter to know more.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Yo, Eros!
What a... creepy chapter! I really don't like this Erwin guy. Or Steward. Both are suspicious, and very very creepy. I'm starting to get frustrated with Freznel! Haha. I hope she ditches them and leaves her heart for Marldon >:D These creepy guys don't deserve any of her love.
I wish we got to know a bit more about Steward. He just pops in, as the waiter, and starts liking Freznel? That's what it appears to be, and in all honesty that just feels a bit weird. More development as character. Is his expression kind, or sad in lonliness? Expressions in faces can give away a lot - not only what a character is feeling but even some background. If they're lonely, perhaps the love of their life has died, or their family has left them. It leaves it open to the reader to imagine, too, and build their own opinions up about a character.
I think that goes for Erwin as well. He does seem mighty suspicious, but maybe you can give in some creepy looks like an eyebrow raised in anticipation of Freznel's response.
Based off dialogue, Freznel seems to be doubting Erwin, but maybe it can be shown on her facial features or the bobbing of her knee up and down, because she is nervous. Body language shows a lot about what a character is feeling and thinking.
I really liked this chapter though, it leaves me wanting more! I loved the little part where Freznel brings some chile powder; that is definitely smart on her part, and a tad bit funny, haha. I can't wait to read what happens next.
Best in writing!
~ EternalRain
Thank you so much!
I am glad you liked it.
Steward, do not dare to touch my dear main character!
Looks like I got curious here.
Read the next chapter thingy in the end made me curious even more.
Good job. I will only point out that I like the way you had started with her being not sure if he is a good person or not. This makes the situation look more realistic because at least I would do the same as her. Who knows what he could do to such a young beautiful woman on a first meeting, right? So good job for this one. Plus point from me for that. I had foudn one or two things that you may correct but I will not push you to do it so I feel happy. They will be connected with my honest opinion about this work. I am really interested because you had left very mystery hints around the conversation between the stranger male and his own boss. A lot of thing are still not told but I am sure you will not rush it, and show us one by one.
Now to the editing part of this review.
I know that you try to make it more punctuationally right but you do not need so many commas here. The comma after 'so' can be left but not the one before 'and'. You do not say something different or so important than the other to put a comma and make us stop.
You need a comma before her name.
Look at your question above. You will see the answer is not right option for this question.
Change it to something like 'I am working in print media/ I work for...'
You had forgotten the fullstop in the end.
You do not need to write 'It' with capital letter.
'Questions for the interview' needs to be there. Even if I may accept your option.
You had forgotten the mark in the end here as well.
Before her name you need a comma.
And I think you need to mix this two sentences together so you have a full well formed question.
'Today's not that hot, is it, Freznel?' Also, as you see, your question is wrong written in the second part after the comma, so this is the correct one.
'Itself' is used wrong in this sentence. Remove it so it makes sense or think of other way to use it even if I think it's better removed.
You need comma before 'dear'.
That is all from me for this part. Good job and keep on writing.