Sun is the son of Month May. It was 6 May 2016, and the heat was growing scorchy. Freznel woke up early that day as she had to complete the border of the saree which she left incomplete the previous night. She was again ready to finish it off.
Tingggg tongggg...!!... Tinggg tongg!!... rang the bell. It was the postman. Freznel signed the page and took the envelope. It was from the Fraunhoffer Fashion House. The postman gave her the letter, wrapped properly in a blue, translucent envelope and left. Freznel opened the envelope ardently.
The letter read:
Dear Miss Freznel,
We hereby feel well pleased to inform you that you have been selected for the post of Designer in Fraunhoffer Fashion House. You may resume from tomorrow. Be in the office by 8:30 a.m. You will be shown your cabin, and all the tasks will be explained to you, personally by me.
Salary negotiable. You will also get a BONUS if the dress designed by you is extremely adorable. Fraunhoffer Fashion House gives you a stage with ample of opportunities to win prizes and even trophies. There will be events held wherein you will be awarded with these gifts if your work proves to be excellent and up to the mark.
Hope you have a great time working here.
With regards,
Marldon McCarty
Manager.
Freznel was extremely delighted by this letter. She ran to the portrait. Two shiny streams of tears bursted out of her eyes as she whispered, " I wish you all could hear the good news..." She was lost in the thoughts of her sweet family. The pages of her mind flipped and she remembered the day when her older sister hugged her tightly... close to her heart when Freznel stood first in the class. She wished her sister could hug her that tightly once again. After she left, the three faces in the portrait smiled vaguely.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi....so I have been behind in my reading, but I am back at it again trying to go strong. So, I cant really complain, nor complement because this work is the same as all you work.....EXCELLENT!! Oops, I guess I did just complement didn't I, ol' well you defiantly deserve it. I really no into this type of reading, but by you have such shrouded mystery around it, it has somehow made me want to read it to the end. The only bad thing I can say it that this chapter wasn't really long, so all your info you had in this chapter I feel was just thrown at the reader. But even then you did an excellent job with stringing together the scenes and thoughts. Love you work continue on writing...
From your review pal Kwanza Taylor
Heya!! Thank you so much, my Friend!!
I felt really good and I feel motivated because of the compliments and actually I am impressed by the style of yours on complimenting...
Thank you so much again!
Hey there, Eros! Happy review day!<3
You always want to be clear on what's going on in chapters and a bit of context, and you have that here. Great job!
I have yet to read previous chapters, but I'm pretty clear on what's going on so that's good!
I'm going to start with a few nitpicks:
This reads a bit weird and I'm not sure scorchy is a word (maybe, though?). Perhaps you could use "blazing hot" or something synonimous to that.
Usually, in stories, you don't use bold and just use italics - that's the standard form. Bold is used for signs or something like that. Otherwise, I would refrain from bold and just stick to italicizing ^-^ It has the same affect!
Maybe instead of just saying this you could expand it out; Freznal ripped open the envelope ardently, her fingers running under the ripped flap.
Maybe the letter can be made in italics? It would stand out more and readers would be much clearer on what is the letter and what is not.
That was a very engaging chapter! The end was definitely very heartwarming, and I loved the description with Freznel being all emotional. <3 The faces in the portrait smiling was a bit creepy though - I wonder what that will bring? I love the little bits of mystery here and there.
As far as setting goes, I'm not sure where Freznel is! If there could be more imagery of her house (I assume it's a house) where she lives in, I would have a much better understanding where she was, and I'm sure other readers would as well!
I think that's all I have for this review. Lovely work! Keep writing!<3
~ EternalRain
"Maybe instead of just saying this you could expand it out; Freznal ripped open the envelope ardently, her fingers running under the ripped flap."
Wooww!! This too good! I will definitely edit this.
Thank you soo much!
No problem!!^-^
The end of this part just made me think this is going to be creepy but I think this is not the matter here. The people in the portrait smiled. Creepy. But interesting. You made them sound haunted. Overall, I really love this part as I liked every previous one. I will try to check, review and be honest with my opinion for the following parts, and I saw that they are plenty. So I think I found what to do for the day. Thank you for letting me enjoy this part also. As I thought, she was accepted for the job. I really think this will be very interesting to read. So I do not think of stopping here. Keep on writing and I hope to read everything else that is posted soon. Only several things that I would correct and this is all for this lovely part which is short but still good.
It needs to be 'Month May' not 'May month'.
You do not need a comma before 'as'.
It is pretty weird to say 'reach the office'.
Better say 'be in the office' or 'come to the office'.
'Hear about' hmm you can change it to 'hear the good news'.
I think it sounds better.
Yaay! You are correct, King! Thank you for reading and reviewing this.
Welcome.