My scars are fading
but I don't miss them
as much as I love you,
and this love, you know,
gives me enough strength to get me through.
The urges to tear my skin
where is the vein beneath the flesh?
I wish to bleed but not to death,
yet you remind me
I'm better than this...
So thank you darling,
thank you for loving me,
And I'm working oh so hard,
to stich you back up at the seams,
Why must we always fall apart?
Why must we try this hard?
You are my everything, everything,
Bury my head
in your neck
and hide from the world
for a while,
Never have I fought this hard
but I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna lose my everything,
I don't wanna lose my everything,
The urges to tear my skin
wide open,
where is the vein beneath the flesh?
I wish to bleed but not to death,
yet you remind me I'm better than this,
I'm better than this.
Why must we always fall apart?
Why must we always try this hard?
I'm fighting hard not to lose my everything,
I'm fighting to not lose you.
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137,699 Literary Works • 672,061 Reviews
Alex, I'm new to this whole site so excuse me if I am doing this oh so very wrong! This is amazing! I love how you made it somewhat dark but, yet beautiful. It's such an amazing choice of words set JUST right and, with a lovely tone. Great job!
Alex! My beautiful lady… I don’t think I’ve reviewed anything by you? What a shame! You're a very talented author... not sure why I haven't! Anyway, this is going to change! Right... now!
First of all… little things!
What did you mean to say here? I think it’s “where” (because you use it later in a subsequent verse) but I just wanted to make sure!
ANYWAY!
So, when I first saw this, I was like, “OH MY GOODNESS. THIS BETTER BE IN THE LYRICS SECTION. IT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG.” So, I hastilly scrolled up… and what do you know?! This is in the lyrics section! Which is awesome. I kind of picture it to be sung my Evanescence or something similar. Except, she would probably not want to sing about cutting. (Or maybe she would? I have no idea.) Or, if not her, then some punk female rocker who is absolutely awesome.
Anyway! I am totally not good at reviewing lyrics. However, just know that, when I saw this, I thought it would make a great song. I still do, in fact! I am not sure if you have the chops for singing, but if you can, then you should probably sing. Or, it might be cool to start a band, if you haven’t done so already.
…So! Not a helpful review by any measure. Still, I hope that helps in some way!
Touching
The first verse, fifth line seems kinda long and awkward. Shorten it to something like "gives me strength to get through"
I sang it aloud, true to my fashion, and it seemed to go with kinda a rock vibe. Is that what you were going for?
I read this twice, and I have to say I didn't like the rhyming scheme, because at first it seems like there is none, but then I see how said aloud it could sound like a rhyme, but it was weird. It's like you tried to rhyme but didn't pronunciate.
I really liked it overall, it's something that I would listen to, if it sounds as good IRL as it does here and in my head.