shh... Listen

Hi wordsandwishes! I have come at your beck and command! (Also… GO DRAGONS!)

Anyway, I really like the subject matter and how you tell it. Too often, I find that the hearing sense is often forgotten. Everybody likes to use the sight, but rarely will they pay attention to those soft whispers, unless it’s in dialogue. So, I am really digging this sense!

One thing that I think you can do with this poem, possibly, is to connect it a little bit more. You have all these foresty sounds, intermixed with these human sounds, and it just strikes me as odd that you didn’t try to connect them. Why not? You could totally pull this off!

That way, at the very end, instead of saying, “Shh… listen” you could tie it all together in a more powerful way. At the moment, it kind of just… ends quietly. Which kind of makes sense, because one of the points made is that we need to stop and listen, but that’s your title! Maybe you can add something else! Maybe you can have this big storm go through and then end with the bird tittering again. There are tons of possibilities here!

So! I liked this a lot, and there is a lot you can do with this! In any case, feel free to play around with sounds… and who knows? Maybe you can add some other sensory things to your works too.

Hope this helps!

I love it
It has a very nice rhythm to it, its a lovely poem that is easy to read. I do think it ends to soon, like something is left unsaid. Like something is unfinished....

I have to say that my favorite stanza is:

Louder
is the booming rainstorm.
Rumbling,
Spewing tears of rage.