My childhood is a darling
but she never learned how to whisper
though her secrets knot themselves like braided hair
in her stomach, her smile
is dynamite, and her tears
are hot summer rain.
Childhood knows what she wants
but she can never run fast enough
and while her existence is a song much too large for her voice
age is deafening, and time
has much longer legs
than she ever will.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
The poem starts by referring to childhood as a darling. Then it proceeds to find flaw with it. This criticism turns the initial statement into verbal irony or-the saying of one thing while meaning another. That’s similar to saying that a boxer is an excellent boxer and then proceeding to list all the technical flaws that he has.
The speaker’s main criticism of childhood is its inability to avoid the aging process which will ultimately obliterate it. Childhood is described as having short legs and time having long ones. and childhoods voice being drowned out by the volume of the aging process. Her voice might be understood as childish utterances and wishes which time will reveal as foolishly impractical and due to inexperience and naivete.
All in all a very fascinating read with plenty of vivid imagery. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Suggestion
“aging” instead of age seems more accurate,.
There is a change in tense from present to past when the word [learned] is introduced then back to the present with [knot].
stomach[,]her smile
The statement the secrets knot themselves like braided hair childhood’s stomach seemed too cryptic. What does it mean?
Thank you for the review:)
In reference to the cryptic line, the ambiguity is intentional. It is meant to allude to childhood trauma, which by nature tends to be allusive.
*edits*
The only word i have is beautiful for this poem.I could picturize a girl with a pink doll and blond braided hair running helter skelter untill she grows to be a aged lady awkwardly settled in her arm chair.this poem is described as melancholy but it is to somewhat the cycle of time which is potrayed.in all this poem reflects a great skill in imagery on the poets part.
awesome work.
Thank you:)
After reading this poem I don't even know if I'm good enough to even say anything but still consider meas your normal reader. I don't even know what to literally make of it but what I understood is well you are referring to the loss of childhood and if it is what you meant then I really have to say that I have read many on the topic but never one so beautiful. I seriously love the way how you referred to childhood as a person, it simply adds beauty to the poem. This actually creates this kind of feeling in me that words can't simply explain(I'm not joking here). I wan to be a little bit young again and I would give anything for that. That ending, man it was wonderful, dude how I wish I could write like you, you know, make the readers feel what you feel and see through your eyes. Well keep it up.
Thank you:)