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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hi Wordsandwishes! I was very interested in this poem. It has thought-provoking stanzas and words. Poems whose meanings are abstract are my favorite poems because there could be many things to learn or understand from them and the poem is interpreted differently by a different reader. That is exactly what your poem has accomplished. You might have gone a bit overboard with the abstract meaning because I'm having a hard time figuring out what you mean by this. Is it about rebellion? What does that have to do with trust? Is it about treachery? Why does it say, "When tyrants rule no more"? Even though you have that, I think that you have created a great poem and I can't wait to see more!
Hello again!
This stanza is extremely well written, but I do have a suggestion. I think the line "Cowards from danger shall flee." disrupts the flow. I think that "From danger the cowards with flee." Would make more sense, and also make it more smooth.
Also, it seems to end abruptly. I think you need to add a bit more before ending it. Now, I'm not sure if there is a specific form you where writing in, but, all in all, it is just a suggestion.
~Rainn
Oops, I meant; "From danger, cowards will flee"
Thank you for the suggestions guys! Much appreciated:)
Hi! You gave me a review and I wanted to return the favor.
You do a good job developing your theme and message, and I like your use of language. The opening two lines are really good. I think the line breaks are a little awkward though. The long line, short line thing reads choppily to me. Why can't you just make each short line part of the line above? Giving one or two words their own line can work, but I think that should be done sparingly to give emphasis, not every other line.
Some nitpicks...
That comma didn't quite make sense... and I like the idea of "happy anger." Oh, and you had a space before the other comma.
This was a comma splice... I know it's poetry, but they still bug me. A semicolons okay, right?
I'm not sure that's the correct use of the word "deemed"... hmm.
Otherwise, it's good! I'm sure you could make it longer, though. Do you plan to?
Prolix
*semicolon's
Sorry, my grammar corrections have grammatical errors... XD