Young Writers Society

my suggestions are in ().

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A silver path is trailed with lace(,)

It leads me to a better place(,)

And overhead the sky is blue(,)

The flowers bloom with blossems(blossoms is spelled with a O.) new(,)

I walk into(maybe just in, not into?) persistent light(,)

The distance is an endless sight(,)

I walk on forever(this doesn't sound like the end, but I don't know how it should end.)

Beautiful! I have a few suggestions, though:
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A silver path is trailed with lace
It leads me to a better place

Overhead the sky is blue
The flowers bloom with blossems new

I walk into persistent light
The distance is an endless sight

I walk on forever
-----------------------------------

The only things I could find where, well, hardly nothing at all. I put them into sections with the rhyming, and I think in "And overhead the sky is blue" would sound better without the "and" before.

Beautifully written!

~Rainn

I liked this -- a lot!!

A silver path is trailed with lace

It leads me to a better place

And overhead the sky is blue

The flowers bloom with blossems new

I walk into persistent light

The distance is an endless sight

I walk on forever


beautifully written --- WRITE ON!!

I liked this -- a lot!!

A silver path is trailed with lace

It leads me to a better place

And overhead the sky is blue

The flowers bloom with blossems new

I walk into persistent light

The distance is an endless sight

I walk on forever


beautifully written --- WRITE ON!!

Hey there wordsandwishes
This is a good piece of work reminds me of a much shorter version of a poem written by the great Robert Frost witch is, in my opinion, is a very prestigious compliment.
It is a very nice simple poem that delivers a message that, in my mind, states that one, who is truly happy, is one that walks with life hand in hand, which is a very simple fact in this world that is all too commonly forgotten in this wasteland that is called the human race. I would have liked to see this as a longer poem to explore this even more, but I am still happy to read what is there.
Thank you for sharing this work with us, and I for one cannot wait for another one to be crafted by your hand.
Sincerely,
The A

Hey there wordsandwishes
This is a good piece of work reminds me of a much shorter version of a poem written by the great Robert Frost witch is, in my opinion, is a very prestigious compliment.
It is a very nice simple poem that delivers a message that, in my mind, states that one, who is truly happy, is one that walks with life hand in hand, which is a very simple fact in this world that is all too commonly forgotten in this wasteland that is called the human race. I would have liked to see this as a longer poem to explore this even more, but I am still happy to read what is there.
Thank you for sharing this work with us, and I for one cannot wait for another one to be crafted by your hand.
Sincerely,
The A

This poem made me think of walking down an English lane, with flowers all around. Let us start with the good stuff about this poem.

1. It has an extraordinary beat, all the way until the final line. This is absolutely fine as it is hard to create a rhythm that excellent and steady. Good job.
2. This poem has a vague picture with excellent description. What I mean is that many people will interpret this poem differently, but it still has good description. This too is hard to capture in words. Congratulations!
3.You have a distinct emotion of pure joy in this poem. The last line makes it seem wistful and hoping, adding a nice touch.

Now for the not so good stuff

1. " blossems " is spelt just a little different- blossoms.

Now for a friendly suggestion...

1. The World Poetry Movement. You should enter your poem. I love it because it's simple and lovely. It truly feels like a dream.
2. Keep this. Never let go of it. Poetry is special in a way that nothing else can be. If you can write poetry that sounds good and is about something important to you, then who cares what others think? You have a truly unique gift. Don't waste it!

An excellent poem that grabbed my heart!

Hello Wishes, I'm Storm and I'm going to be reviewing your poem today.
First of all, I'm glad you've joined YWS. Everyone here is very nice, and even having been a member for just a little while I feel like my writing has improved.
Okay, on to the review. I really liked the format of your poem, with a space between each line. I just have a few nitpicks and then I'll be out of your hair, I promise.
If you've ever read any of my reviews, I talk a lot about rhyme schemes. I just like them to be perfect, and I can never get them just right. Because of this, most of my poetry avoids rhyme schemes like the plague. Anyways, I really like your rhyme scheme in some respects. It was used well, and it doesn't constrict the flow as some rhymes schemes tend to do, but it... I think the word I'm looking for is it kind of simplified all your beautiful imagery. It seemed to me as though your poem would be more beautiful if you omitted the rhymes, but that's just my opinion and you're the poet, so by all means ignore me, or write me a very angry letter.
Also, blossems is actually spelled blossoms. I would suggest maybe adding punctuation, but again, that's totally your choice.
I am by no means suggesting that you rewrite this poem, because to do so would be like trying to fix Paramore's lyrics. It would be pointless because they're already amazing. I'm just giving you suggestions for your next poem.
Anyways, sorry if I sounded harsh, I didn't mean to be. I really liked your poem, thanks for posting!
--Storm

Hello, Words! I'm Rosie, and I'm here to review this piece!

First off, welcome to YWS. I absolutely love it here and I'm sure you will, too. My writing's improved drastically due to the helpful criticism of the awesome members who've lent me their advice; hands down, I've learned more about writing here than anywhere else. If you have any questions about the site or anything at all, please feel free to message me and I'll help you in any way I can. And now, on to the review!

Overall, this is a very nice piece of work. It's easy and pleasant to read, and you kept up a calm, laid-back rhythm. The overall feeling of the poem corresponded very well with the title. I almost felt like I was walking through a dream. It's definitely inspired. Great work there!

"A silver path is trailed with lace

It leads me to a better place

And overhead the sky is blue

The flowers bloom with blossems new"

In the fourth line, you misspelled the word 'blossoms.' Of course, that's just a nitpick, but I still decided to point it out. Also, I'm not sure about 'blossoms blooming.' It felt slightly trite to me. It's obvious you have a decent vocabulary judging by the rest of your poem - the first line of the poem is perfectly vibrant, by the way - so I would suggest substituting another one-syllable word for the verb 'bloom'. It will make that part of the poem sound just as fresh as the rest of this piece.

The last thing I'd like to address is the lack of punctuation in this poem. There are highly different opinions on whether punctuation in a poem restricts the freedom of the poet or accentuates the beauty of the poem; I'm not sure where you stand, but I happen to like most poems better when they're punctuated. If I were to punctuate this, I would do it like so:

"A silver path is trailed with lace;

It leads me to a better place.

And overhead the sky is blue;

The flowers bloom with blossoms new.

I walk into persistent light.

The distance is an endless sight...

I walk on forever."

It's just a suggestion. If you disagree with it, feel free to disregard it and keep your poem the way it is. Just because I'm in favor of punctuation in no way means you have to be. Your opinion about your own work and your unique viewpoints are what make your work your own. Do not sacrifice them for anything.

All in all, very nice work! Always keep writing, and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

Best wishes,

-Rosie