Some short poems.

My dooms-day

The good stuff:

1.the rhyme. I enjoy poetry that rhymes. I appreciate the effort that is put into these poems.

2. The concept behind the poem, though often written about, is portrayed here in your own unique writing style.

3. Your choice of words. These words jumped out at me. red hot madness. fury.

The bad stuff:

1. It's rather short. I would love to see this expanded, adding more ideas.

2. I think that in line 5 you should take out the word "the".

I appreciated this poem and the work put into it.


Haunting.

The good stuff:

1. like i said before, I appreciate the added effort with the rhyme.

2. This poem has a distinct beat to it. It truly feels haunting.

3.just the very essence of this poem seems kind of haunting in itself. This poem has everything it needs to fit the title

The bad stuff:

1. In line 6 you should change it to "I breathe in death".

2. the rhyme scheme is interrupted on the last two lines.

The known life

the good stuff:

1. As said before, the rhyme schemes.

2.Likewise, the beat is quick and nippy, giving the poem a dreaded nervous feeling.

The bad stuff:

1.on line 7 the rhyme scheme is again interrupted. This poem could be all that much better if it rhymed all the way through.

2. It's a bit hard to read on the 7th line because two of the words, thrust and trust, sound so similar. This leads to tied up tongues and words mistaken for each other.

The sleeping void

The good stuff

1, again, the rhyme schemes. Sigh. I'm such a sucker for rhymes.
2. I'm also a sucker for a good beat in poetry. which you seem to have mastered.
3. the vivid imagery that this poem provides.

The bad stuff:

1. I thoroughly enjoy this poem and the only thing that I disagree with is the rhyme scheme. You haven't made it go all the way through one one of these. I guess no one is perfect.


These poems all have portrayed excellent imagery, and clear ideas. I would love to see more of your work.

The Sleeping Void: I liked the imagery and how it definitely felt like sleep feels.
The known Lie: I like the point you made here about lies, about how they "Fly the truth astray". That is totally true; Lies ruin the truth in life and take us further away from the ability to be good, honest people.
Haunting: I liked the Rhymes, but it was a little sad for me.
My Dooms Day: Same as my opinion of Haunting.

My dooms-Day

The good stuff:

1. A true poem! This moves me to do something, I don't know what I should do, but it moves me.

2. Rhyme! I know that rhyming can be tough, so i enjoy poems that people try to rhyme in.

3. I like the idea that this poem portrays!

4. I enjoy the way that this poem in lined up! Not in boring prose blocks! Good job.

The bad stuff:

1. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and could not find anything wrong with this poem!

I actually loved Haunting so much I copied and pasted it so I could read it again. Something so simple and just flows, but cuts like a knife. My second favorite was the Sleeping void. Very hazy and you have a real talent for words! Your writing style.. You don't need to say much to get your point across, somehow you choose the right words that scream. I agree with tazmania girl.. Longer!!! Oh and message me when you post any new work I love your style

This is amazing!

The amout of detail in every single poem is just to good to put into words, and (don't think) there are any grammer or spelling mistakes, so a pat on the back for that.
Your really getting your message across in these poeams, and that's aso a good thing to see.
I don't know if I have negatives.


Negatives (?)
Maybe they could be a bit longer, because I would definatly like to here more.

Overall, KEEP WRITING!

TazmaniaGirl.