Leaves buckle beneath the rain.
Wrenched from their place on the broken branch.
The word life is heavy on my tongue.
Black skies and moonlight draw me in.
It is cold, I don't care.
Ignorance may be bliss but I'd rather
Go dancing in the dark.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I loved this poem, it was just so beautifully written with such a strong concept. What really makes this stick out to me is how much emotion you have behind it. I admire how well you drew the reader in with so little words. The ending "Ignorance may be bliss but I'd rather go dancing in the dark" is absolutely stunning. It made me smile, and it definitely fits with the "reckless" title.
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The line "The word life is heavy on my tongue' has such strong symbolism, and it fits so well that it has to be my favorite. It's simply beautiful, nothing else for me to say
Well, hope this helped!!! Keep writing, you're great at it
Thank-you!
I very much enjoyed reading this. I can feel this poem. It very much reminds me of something that is so beautiful yet dark. If there would be one thing to mention; it does seem slightly jumpy or choppy. I get this feel because of the punctuation you used. Especially when you have two lines that 'complete' each other. This would be improved by changing the periods on lines 1 and 3 to commas.
I loved reading this poem; it was great. I have enjoyed many of your works. Please keep writing more!
~Rainn
Thanks for the input guys! I really appreciate it.^^ *edits work*
Hello wordsandwishes! Griff, here to review this lovely piece of work.
Alright. So I really like this poem, and the idea behind it. I loved the imagery, it was beautiful and left images floating in my mind. I loved the end lines,
I think it wrapped it up very well. It actually made me sigh. Congrats on that.
However, I think this work could be improved a lot.
From a grammar and formatting standpoint, I had a few things stand out to me.
1) The very first line is quite odd.
The words are fantastic, but the formatting is strange and I believe that the "L" in "leaves" should be capitalized.
2) Second line. I personally think that a word like "home", or "abode" instead of the word "place" would spice it up a bit more. But that is just my opinion.
3) I love the words in this line;
Ohhh it is so beautiful. My only comment would be to either italicize or put the word "life" in quotation marks.
4) Nothing wrong here, although I would like a word describing the moonlight!
5) I think it should be, "It is ___, but I don't care." Add a "but", or "and". I would also like a word different than "cold", such as "frigid", or "brisk". Unique adjectives are what make a short poem yummy!
6) Like I said, LOVE the last two lines! Although, I felt the way you split them up was odd, but now that I reread it, that style is actually quite charming.
Overall; I really enjoyed this poem. I think you have some great main ideas here, and you are a great writer. It just needs a bit of touch up. Keep in mind that I am being really nit-picky, and that this is really good as is. Fantastic job!
Keep writing and being amazing!
~GC