The limbo

Wow! The way this poem is arranged is wonderful! I always feel great when I see poetry that is arranged in clever and unique ways. I find it hard to drag myself from the ordinary prose blocks.

The thought of being nothing seems sad, but the lost alone without a care seems joyous! A mix of emotions wrapped into a few short lines.

The vivid imagery is mind boggling. Life is dim- makes me think of a single candle in a huge, pitch black room and how pale the flickering flames is in contrast to the swallowing darkness. I drift away- makes me think of a few scrawny sailors stranded in a tiny dingy out in the middle of the ocean, waiting for their watery doom. not here or there- makes me think of a long dusty trail stretching out for miles in front of me and the dreary sun beating down. A sign passes by, reading, Nowhere.

In line 8 the rhythm changes just a bit and when I was reading it threw me off. Just thought I'd mention it.

This simple and straightforward poem is an inspiration that makes me want to be someone, not just that person who is lost in shadows, drifting away to nowhere. I want to be someone, someone who will change the world.

Hi Words,

Firstly, I should tell you that visually this poem is extremely appealing! I don't usually pay much attention to that sort of thing, especially on a website that usually messes up all of my formatting, but the sort of wave that your poem forms complements the title so perfectly that before even reading your poem, I was already thrilled by it!

Okay. So. I like your poem. It is a very quick read and while reading it, it sort of felt like I was racing through the lines. This really fits with the idea of limbo, of racing towards a place--and then stopping short and being stuck there. I like that a lot.

It was interesting to me that you chose to capitalize the lines here but not to punctuate. Just personal preference, but if I were you I would actually do it the other way around. On the other hand, this might destroy the beautifully clean look that the piece has, so be careful. The only thing is that without punctuation, lines like "I'm in between not here or there" which really should have a comma end up as kind of awkward. I read it, thought, oh wait, that should have a comma, paused, added a comma in my head, and then continued. Not having crucial punctuation actually disrupts your flow. I think if you were to add just enough commas to make this grammatically correct, that would add to the poem by making it less disruptive for the reader to get caught on the errors.

The only line that I'm having trouble with is the penultimate: "And here I'll stay all time to bare". Do you mean "to bear"? If you do, then know that they have TOTALLY different meanings. If you don't, then I'm really just kind of lost here. I guess maybe you are saying that you want to peel away layers from the limbo, but this seems out of context.

So basically, I love the poem in and of itself but I come away from it thinking, "oh, that was a nice poem" and not "oh, I'll have to think a lot about that poem's meaning." Take it or leave it, but just consider that you might want to make this longer and add some deeper meaning to it.

Otherwise, this stands alone. It is a lovely piece. Really nice job with it!

Thanks for the read!
Sarebear

I liked it!
The Limbo

I'm lost alone without a care

Past and present everywhere

The future holds no place for me

And what I want it cannot be

Life is dim and motionless

I drift away to nothingness

I'm in between not here nor there

And here I'll stay all time to bare

The limbo


Really good!