A Whispered Lullaby

by wordsandwishes

Published August 1, 2012

In My Poems

    A night so far away,
The moon; it shines half dark.

   A soul has gone astray,
At midnight sings the lark.

    The night of winters eve,
The sun decides to leave.

   A journy to embark.
 A voyage through the dark.
Comments & reviews · 9
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myababii
Review
myababii wrote a review Review · Aug 8, 2012

I loved your personification of the sun and of the soul. It was like the poem was setting a scene and that the scene wasn't even starting to take form. I would enjoy it to be longer but I can't always get what I want. If I wanted to I would read over and over again because it was so amazing in many ways I can't describe. I really enjoyed this a lot so keep writing because I want to read more.

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Clarity
Review
Clarity wrote a review Review · Aug 6, 2012

I like this, it's short but still holds your attention very well.
It's kind of a mystry, i can't figure out what the message or meaning behind the poem is, but it is still very good. I love the choice of words too.

You wrote this really well, i enjoyed it lots and look forward to reading more of your work.

Well done. Good luck.

-Clarity

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Caerulean
Review
Caerulean wrote a review Review · Aug 6, 2012

Hello there. :) I found the title interesting. xD Look at my username, and you'll know one of the reasons why. lol Another reason is that it gives a sense of mystery. :)
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A journy to embark.

- You got a typo there: 'journey'

I found no other mistakes other than that. :) Anyway, the poem is very interestingly short that I didn't really appreciate it the first time I read it. Perhaps it was because I'm in a 'rush' mood right now lol, but as I finished reading the poem and the review, the poem began to sink in as I read it again. Thanks to your first reviewer (RainGrae) lol, I began to appreciate the poem (and the title) better because she mentioned 'mystery'. I think the poem has a good sense of imagery and has an 'old' feel to it. I mean, it takes us back to the time when we imagine things, when our minds wander, like 'old, mysterious, fantasy' literature do. :) If you know the poem 'The Erl-King' by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, you might understand what I'm trying to say. xD LOTR (The Lord Of The Rings, which I'm currently still on the first book) and The Hobbit, particularly the verses there, give me the same feeling. The poem also reminds me of the song 'Rhiannon' by Fleetwood Mac.

About the change in the rhyme in the third stanza, I think it's interesting and does not make the poem bad. It makes me think/assume that there is emphasis in the stanza or simply something different in it other than the rhyme. Or perhaps it is just a rhyming pattern you made on your own: a a, a a, b b, a a. Well, like I said earlier, the poem is interesting, and I think this different form of poetry makes it more interesting and unique than other poems.

One more thing: the simplicity of the wording and the conciseness of the lines make it consistent with the title, and this helps stir the reader's imagination. :) The meaning of the poem seems pointless and empty, but then again, it's a lullaby - a lullaby which causes the listener's minds to wander off 'beyond horizons'.
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I hope this review isn't too long, repetitive, and boring. lol What makes it funnier is the fact that the poem is so short, haha! I hope I didn't overanalyze. Well, maybe, the fact that this short of a poem of yours caused my mind to stir makes it great. ;) *likes*

Never stop writing! :D

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RainGrae
Review
RainGrae wrote a review Review · Aug 4, 2012

Hello W&W :)

For a poem so short, it was well written. It has so much story behind it that the poem becomes a mystery. But I suggest you should keep the same rhyming pattern like the first two sentences because I think it'll flow a bit better. Overall, it was a lovely poem. Keep up the great work ^_^

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RainGrae
Comment
RainGrae commented Comment · Aug 4, 2012

Hello W&W :)

For a poem so short, it was well written. It has so much story behind it that the poem becomes a mystery. But I suggest you should keep the same rhyming pattern like the first two sentences because I think it'll flow a bit better. Overall, it was a lovely poem. Keep up the great work ^_^

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Rainn
Review
Rainn wrote a review Review · Aug 1, 2012

Hello again, W&W!

I like the way this whole thing fits together. Your flow is very nicely done. One thing I will say is....

"A night so far away,
The moon; it shines half dark.

A soul has gone astray,
At midnight sings the lark."

The way you started your rhyming here is wonderful, but then on the last two stanzas you suddenly change the scheme. I think it would sound better if you did the bottom two like the top.

Keep it up!

~Rainn

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AlmondEyes
Review
AlmondEyes wrote a review Review · Aug 1, 2012

I think you did a great job with this poem. I usaully hate poems that rhyme, but this was good. the flow was nice and. i do agree with what Heather said though. I was staring to get into when i was cut short by the ending.

"A soul has gone astray,
At midnight sings the lark"
I love the sounds that some birds make, so this was mt favorite part.

All in all this was a good poem. Just make it longer and keep writing.

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heather321
Review
heather321 wrote a review Review · Aug 1, 2012

This is written so well! The imagery and the word choice is amazing! I personally think you should make it longer though.. it's like right as i was really really into it, it was over.. so i think you should add to it..but overall great job!!

Sorry about that; I'm not sure how I would add onto this...But I could make a follow up poem :)

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Emberpenner Review
Emberpenner wrote a review Review · Aug 1, 2012

This Is a very good poem! I quite enjoy the word choice. It created an image of serenity. I just have one thing: you can elaborate easily to make this a story. This will help you not only become an even better writer, but it will also help you find yourself. I have in my writing. Anyway, well done, and I hope to see more of your work soon! Penner



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