Across the glaze of the
marina
sit bright, white, rich
boats.
The sun bounces off their
ridiculous names:
Dirty Oar
Duchess
Daddy’s Dollars.
I move past them,
nodding to the captains
as I go,
The wood beneath my feet
creaking
with every heavy step.
My toes lurch over the
edge of the dock
before I realize how far
I’ve gone.
Gazing down into the vast
depth
I see my features
Distorted by the ripples.
they run through my freckles
and whisk them away out
into the unknown.
I slide my shoes off and
sit on the edge
Of the dock
Of the world
Of myself.
I break the surface of
the water with one toe,
then another, then
another.
An interview is taking
place:
the ocean deciding if she
will take me in
or leave me above in the
wreckage.
She agrees to let me
become a part of her.
I slowly push my body
forward and turn,
lowering down as if
climbing into a chilly pool.
But I feel no chill.
I feel nothing at all
as I slip below the
surface
Softly
Silently
Shamelessly.
After, there will be
nothing left
to prove I was ever here
at all.
Except the shoes
on the edge of the dock.
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138,237 Literary Works • 672,089 Reviews
I think what gets captured here in a way that feels like a wish, a dream, a temptation is the ease of it all. Slip. One line, one slow languid movement and then a true escape, an end, a void. I really like how this is structured and paced. Both in the aspirational bright marina lines and the lull of L's towards the end: a climb, a chill, nothing at all, a slip. It's a subtle gurgling sound since vocally, we're pushing air the sides of the mouth.
Meaning-wise, I pick up a lot of play in identity with the "of the dock, of the world, of myself" lines allowing the ocean to represent as it will most resonate to the reader which I appreciate. For myself and my own interpretations, because I'm in a transition period, I read it as such, a transition of not knowing and exploring what lies beyond the void, an entering of wholeness.
These lines:
Besides the capitalization, I am also unsure of what "they" refers to - the ripples? The captains? The features? An undisclosed other, such as the ocean though she later gets referred to as her? I am also not sure if the ambiguity is intentional.
I really love this metaphor. Just super beautiful. It really emphasizes for me this feeling throughout which is this kind of awareness of judgment. It starts in the beginning where the narrator is noting the "ridiculous" names and it culminates in the middle when the narrator sits on the edge and is still there, questioning: what is she on the edge of ? Who is she, even ? So these lines really highlight and emphasize this more subtle theme of judgment for me. Also the lines "let me become a part of her" -- this "permission-asking", slipping is not "jumping in headfirst" it's a toe by toe approach. I really dig this.
Not sure how I feel about the "as if climbing into a chilly pool" followed by "I feel no chill". I think chill is doing a lot of lifting and brings attention to the anticlimatic aspect of the word pool. What is it doing there?
Just my initial thoughts, grain of salt as always. I enjoyed this a lot and hoping this helps in any way.
~ as always, Audy
Holy Kaltenecker I love it.
The slow pace, the tension, but the calm from the ocean!! This is just so beautiful!! The imagery you provided with the water, the shoes at the end, and everything feels perfect!! Your punctuation is on point, the pacing of the poem is also on point, and don't get me started on your expert wording!!! You just earned yourself a follow. Well done!!! I do have a question though, what inspired you to write such a wonderful masterpiece? I could never come up with something so amazing!!