Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
A/N based off a nightmare from years past I wrote down.
dawn eyes traced the blurred lines of their new walk on life. Her eyes mesmerized as the small trickle of water droplets floated sullenly down the window pane. Forming larger droplets until finally to fat to hold its own wight it falls lost in the blur of the racing cars. Dawn moved her eyes to her mother Rey. Her shaken form riddled with works of art blurring across her body in a mixture of blues and purples. Her sullen eyes focused on their escape from what was.
It has been four days since we left daddy. Dawn couldn't remember anymore the moments where daddy returned sober. Able to move around without groping her shoulders and the yellowed crackling walls for support. Able to look at the two of them with love in his intelligent grey eyes rather than the sadistic snarl of the demons within.
Dawn glanced down at her scared skin, like her mother her skin was speckled with lashes from her daddy's rage. " How much longer?" she asked. They would be staying with her mother's sister Christina. She lived in Virginia out in the country. It was their new start, a place to be for once in their lives safe.
Rey glanced over to dawn, a small smile plastered to her proclien lips. " just over the hill. if only this rain let up a bit we could be here within the hour" she said.
Dawn nodded looking, " what will happen with daddy when he wakes up?" she asked remembering the fear she felt when her mother sent the rusted frying pan against daddy's skull. The warm pleasure that showed on her face for once winning and the sheer frantic race for us to leave before daddy awoke from his nap.
Rey looked " don't worry sweetie, he will just laugh about the game of hide and seek we were playing" she said smiling warmly, reaching over cautiously rustling dawn's long brown hair.
Dawn giggled at her mother's loving touch. " I bet were winning" she said and turned her attention back toward the road. It was like the world was transformed to a standing pictures of the world running through in slow motion. First, the deer frozen from fear as the car ended it's short life. Next, the crystals glittering as it showered the two beautiful, then the sudden force that sent dawn flying, the sound of flesh turning to gravel as the road skidded away her artist's skins.
Dawn coughed flecks of darkness and light played tag within her vision. Her heart felt as if it would burst from the sheer pressure of an invisbale force preventing her to move. " Mom" she croaked, crack lips trying to breathe out the voiceless questions. Where was mom? Why can't I move, Am I dieing?
She felt her head slant to the side and saw what took away her silent screams. she saw what happened to the deer. It's entrails still clung to the car as if seeking the life force that was stripped away. A split form of a back leg lay beside the hunk of shredded flesh already bloating and expanding with pattering droplets of rain and feasting flies. The head lay impaled, its void less eyes staring at her like a vengeful demon. Its tongue lulled out useless.
Then she saw. A hump of flesh that was not covered in shredded fur. It was as if an animal inside Appeared and forced dawn to crawl toward the form. There she saw what would destroy the last ounce of her fractured soul. Her mother's corpse. At least her upper half. Her face was stained in a peaceful smile, what was left of their once almost perfect life. She couldn't dare look down, yet she was not thinking on her own will. Like a puppet her head turned automatically, all her dismember lower half. Threads of loses thin tendons hung loosely on the shredded flesh. A figure formed farther away. At this moment the vile explode out of her sobbing mouth emptying all liquids as the scene. Her mothers left leg balanced on top of the deers other leg in an exteneded balencing act.
Dawn blanked out collasping upon the upper half of her mother. Her crimson blood bleeding into her liac shirt.
6 hours later......
A trucker appeared on the scene,cursing under his breath.the carnage was something off a texas chain saw massacure film. He stopped his truck hopping down looking for survior. There he saw the frail body of small sleeping little girl. Seemed within the age of seven. His large steel boots crunng beneath the twinkling glass. His soft hand shaking the girls form gently "wake up sweetie" he saud softly "wake up."
Dawn shook mumbling "Daddy?" Sbe asked blinking away the white orbs constricting her vision.
The trucker knelt down pulling out a cell calling in this incidint and for help. He looked shaking his head. Let her think her worlds still intact he thought. "Daddys here sweetie. Were going to get you all better" he said.
Dawn smiled warmly unable to move. Her eyes darted to the cushioned wet pillow she laid on before remembering. Her screams echoed endlessly, she didn't stop past the ambulance ride. The only vision that flash on loop was her mothers death.
One year later.
Daddy helps her out of the car, my soles slap down on the pavement my hands resting on the chair. Dawn moves, it has been one year since the accident. An though daddy still cradles her screaming sleeping form, she couldn't stop the smile that formed. "We found our home mommy" she whispered softly touchong daddys hand holding it as if it was her only life perserver.
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Hello, and Happy Halloween! This is yubbies21 here to give you a review!

First off, this left me hanging. It was too short, too simple. I wanted something that I could actually sink my teeth into, but all I could get was a tiny little crumb. In other words, I want more. You could add descriptions and actions to make it more exciting, meaningful, and memorable! If you were to describe the howling wind, the icy cold creeping of the bumps rising on the skin, the flesh changing temperatures, and the scratch of nails on the coffin (just throwing possibilities out there!), then I would be more likely to remember it and the chills it sent down my spine...
One grammatical error in this one simple line, I always get confused with these too
This should be changed to...
I'd be excited if you made this into a story! I would love to give it a read!
My one question though, is how can dead people get goosebumps? I've been trying to figure it out in my mind, but it doesn't make sense, unless they are undead....
Anyways, I hope you have a spooky Halloween!
-yubbies21
thanks you helped alot.
Hey fallenoutofgrace!
I want you to be careful about posting one line things, especially as a work. Because then it's in the green room (which we're always trying to clear) and I mean, there's not much to review. However, if you turn this into a creepypasta story later, that's fine ^^ I like the idea you have here. It raises a lot of questions and it's very thought provoking. Are you claiming dead people can get scared? Totally awesome idea for a story.
Anyway, I spotted a grammatical error (oh noes!) You were so close with a perfect line ha ha.
Should be
"Dead people get goosebumps, too."
Just to fix that.
Also, the title needs work. Should be "You're Not the Only One."
I wish I could say more about this, you know, how to fix it or make it better, or what I really liked. All I can say is that you have a good idea/starting line that draws the reader and gives them excitement and makes them intrigued. But really, I wouldn't post a one line work (if you really are planning on extending this) because
A.) WE WANT MORE from the very beginning
B.) It's not really a literary work to begin with, if you catch my drift.
Hopefully you do elaborate on what you mean with this line, because I really would like to know. I also rambled, because I tried to make this a long review xD So I hope you don't mind and I hope I did help in any way possible!
Happy Halloween ^^
~Thewriter13
Alright, and i know about the one line stuff so this my last time i just wanted to help out a bit before i worked on it. thanks for the help to it really helped
Oh that's perfectly fine ^^ I figured you knew
Hahah totally loved this,
one line, and definitively goosebumps!
But how exactly does that work you know.. without skin?
i don't know. the scary thing is this is an actual fact nothing is made up :3