z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Rainstorms

by Em101cats


Rumbling thunder

A-pitter a-patter a-slam

Innocent yet chilling you to the bone

No way to avoid

Slashing marks from the sky

Thunder crashing with lightning

Outdoor nature's musical rhythm

Rolling clouds and thrashing raindrops

My roof protects me but I feel too shielded

So I rush outside and dance in the cold tears


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377 Reviews


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Tue Dec 09, 2014 9:10 pm
Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello! :D
As I have said before, I love these types of poem. :D I think they are just AWESOME!! :) This one I loved even better.

"So I rush outside and dance in the cold tears"

I love how you described the rain as cold tears! :) Wonderful! :D :) I couldn't find any nitpicks on this! Great Job, and keep writing! :D :)
~Snazzy :)
Stay Awesome :D




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Mon Jun 16, 2014 5:00 pm
puppys3117 wrote a review...



wow! I can relate to this o,o being in a rural place, its normal for rain, even in the summer. It's so true too! The noises rain makes is very soothing to me, just like a musical harmony. But then the thunder rolls around :/ it freaks me out (please don't judge me for having a slight fear of thunder. If it came from nowhere, wouldn't It startle you too?) And rain water is stupid hard trying to get off my glasses (No way to avoid) When it hits your skin, it freezes you and gives a small ping (...yet chilling you to the bone... Slashing marks from the sky)

I found nothing wrong with this poem. The structure is lovely and like I said before, very relatable. Even if there was some nitpicks, you caught them :3

Not much of a review, I know, but who cares?

Keep on writing :D
~puppys3117~




Em101cats says...


Thank you so much! :)



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Thu Jun 12, 2014 6:12 pm
ScarlettJewel wrote a review...



I think whenever one sees this type of poem, they automatically assume that it is boring and childlike. However, here, you break that stereotype and the result is very sophisticated.

Like somebody previously commented, the A line is a bit odd, and doesn't fit with the rest of the poem.

My favourite line is, 'Outdoor nature's musical rhythm' since it reflects how soothing this sound can be despite every body dreading it because of how it destroys the day.

I like the use of the word slashing, it makes me picture the God of thunder getting mad and aggressive.




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Thu Jun 12, 2014 2:24 am
evfreak13 wrote a review...



Hey there :33

I really like this poem...I feel like taking a walk in light rain with someone now :) It's beautiful. Acrostic poems are always fun to write and you did yours quite nicely!

The only thing I would say to improve upon would be the flow; the phrases "A-pitter a-patter a-slam" and "chilling you to the bone" do not flow as nicely as the others do in my point of view, but honestly the first makes it unique and I would only omit the 'you' in the second line.

Other than that, you're good to go! Hope this helps! Oh, and it most definitely does not suck. Do not let that inner critical voice ever get the best of you! KEEP WRITING
~evfreak13 <3




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Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:30 am
Kelpies wrote a review...



Who ever said this sucked? This is one of the best poems of this sort I have ever seen. Of course, the only ones I have ever seen are with people's names! I have done a couple, but they never amount to anything. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this is one of the poems that the YWS people put on the homepage. Not bad, not bad. Keep up the good work!

P.S. I f anything sucks, it's my review!




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Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:41 pm
dogsrule5 says...



Don't worry, this doesn't suck. It was really good to tell you the truth. You should do more of these. I think you are good at them. This was a really good idea to do one about storms.




Em101cats says...


Thanks!!!!!!! :D



dogsrule5 says...


No problem!



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Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Cithara says...



This doesn't suck at all.
Bravo! Keep writing :)




Em101cats says...


Thank you! Maybe I should write more acrostics :)



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Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:49 am
justinkalaveras says...



This was a very clever poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Please do keep up the writing, I would love to read more. Very good poem. Keep up the great work. Also let me know when new work of yours is posted.




Em101cats says...


I will definitely let you know when I post something new! And thanks so much!



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Wed Jun 11, 2014 3:51 am
jojoann1 says...



I enjoy the feel of this. It really paints a picture in my mind of the way raindrops fall from the sky.




Em101cats says...


Thanks. I hoped it would do that :D



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Wed Jun 11, 2014 2:57 am
Rurouni wrote a review...



Hey!

This one wandered by! Here to review is Rurouni!


Well, even though you might think it sucks, I think its wonderful! Acrostic poems aren't always the easiest, or have the best flow... But you did a nice job!


I really can't nitpick at anything, I really enjoyed this poem. My favorite line is the last one, it just seems right, like the rain might be cold tears, and we should dance in it!

This was a very lovely poem!


Happy writing!


This one shall wander off now!



Always,

~Shad




Em101cats says...


Thanks so much! :)



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Wed Jun 11, 2014 2:52 am
tgirly wrote a review...



I actually really, really enjoy acrostic poems in general, I'm sort of an acrostic aficcionado. Sort of. I think it's an underutilized poetic framework, so I applaud you for writing an acrostic into the first place. Now on to the meat and potatoes of this review.
You do a really good job of not making it seem like your forcing the words into acrostic format. The only line that feels even slightly forced into it is the 'A-pitter a-patter a-slam'. You also have some beautiful imagery in this piece ie. dancing in the cold tears is my favorite line.
There were a few things that seemed off to me about the poem too; a few things that made it seem disjointed. First off, in the I line, you use pronoun 'you' but in the last few lines you switch to first person point of view. Maybe you meant to do that but it just feels weird to me. Also, the whole poem is a description of the storm and then in the last two lines it slips into narrative, which makes it feel like it should be in a different stanza or a completely different poem altogether.
Once again, solid acrostic work. Thanks for writing this. I hope my review helped you.
-tgirly




Em101cats says...


Thanks! I'll see what I can do about that stuff.



tgirly says...


Have you tried abecedarians? They're like acrostics, except instead of a word on the side, it's the alphabet. They're longer, but just as fun.




Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller