Remember those sweet memories
that have faded into nothing?
Their mystifying dim imprints
on our minds that we cannot see?
The way that memories
Are photographs that have become
a part of us that we won't forget
until the end of time?
Unless they are those memories
that fade into nothing,
those vague little parts
of our minds
that soon become
nothing.
Nothing is a strange word.
Big and small in many ways.
The vast idea of it all is too big
to comprehend,
or to make a memory.
Or it would fade into nothingness
like a star fading as daylight comes.
~Okay I know this kinda sucks but please don't be rude.~
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140,819 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This didn't suck at all! This was really good keep up the good work!
Thanks!!!!!!!
Hello, Retro here
I'm going to do a few nitpicks then talk about what I liked, okay?
' Remember those sweet memories
that have faded into nothing?
Their sweet dim imprints
on our minds that we cannot see? '
You repeat the word sweet here in the first few lines. I'm all one for repeating, but I think it needs to be done with a hard hitting sort of way, so i'd suggest a different word here
' Unless they are those memories
that fade into nothing, '
This bit doesn't flow all that poetically. I feel as though there a few too many words so i'd suggest a cut down
'Nothing, it is a strange word'
I'd reccomend nothing is a stange word, and get rid of the it
Other than that I just want to say, and this is completely artistic choice, but I would split this into two stanzas. I think there is a break in the poem between ideas and I think it would be perfect to put into two
On to what I liked! I like the idea of memories fading to nothing, and the fact it is addressed to a singular person. I, unlike some, find the very personal poems to be some of the best so kudos! I also like the contemplation of your idea of nothing, I think the idea of it being too big to comprehend is really sweet! I have a thing about endings so I shall briefly analyse yours
' The vast idea of it all is too big
to comprehend,
or to make a memory.
Or it would fade into nothingness
like a star fading as daylight came. '
For me the ending of a poem needs to be an almighty crux, summarise the entire poem and leaves the reader feeling satisfied. I think you do that quite well here. I love the last two lines and the imagery they bring to the poem, in fact i'd love to see some more like that because it is very well done. And I love the final idea of it being too grand an idea to fully comprehend.
Overall this is not a bad attempt at all! And I think with a little bit of work it would be fantastic!
Great job,
here if you need me!
~Retro
Thanks for the suggestions!!!
Hi.
Im not too good with poems, i just found this one bit
" like a star fading as daylight came''
It could have been somewhere along the lines.. " Like a star fading with the daylight coming" or " like a star fading when the daylight comes "
Other than this,
this was a VERY sweet poem. Memories is something we all have, good and bad, and it kind of helps the reader relate to the poem.
makes them think back and remember a bunch of memories in the two minutes they read this.
Very sweet and really good job !