If Schools Were Cool

Hello Em101cats! CHRISSY321 here with a review!

*Happy Review Day!*

I love this poem! I wish school were that awesome, but alas, there is no free lemonade, and games all the time, just the bad food and hard work! XD

I think this poem is so relatable, and so you! I have read, and reviewed quiet a few of your works, and I can see your style- and I like it! One thing I do have to say is school WOULD be cool if there were NO school! I think this funny, and a dream come true!

There is just one problem, this happens frequently with you when you write poems- you do not always keep a steady rhyme scheme! I think that if you really want to write poems better, you need to make the same patterns rhyme- or do not rhyme at all, or just coordinate it- there are so many things you can do- but I do not recommend just doing the one 'oddball' stanza that does not go with the rest! (Sorry if I seem mean!)

Overall I loved the idea, and I think it is cute! Good job, but just take my advice when you write poems! Keep Writing!

This reminds me of those poems you read in elementary school, it brought back memories! Reminded me of the time we had to write about why we liked school and I talked about the pet dragon, the two hour long recces, and a bunch of other made up stuff, fun times!

There's only one review type thing that I noticed, you had a rhyme going on there and then the last stanza kind of made the rhyme go away. You could try and scramble the wording around and make it rhyme again!

Love this poem! Keep writing!

- Phoeinx

Hello,

I totally agree with you Schools should have been this cool.

Good and fun writing and I had a good read.

I think you wrote your poem on A-B-C-B structure, i aren't sure of the last four lines.

And, now, i really wish for a everyday-parade! and funny-named-teachers! and free-lemonade. and big-pleasure-room.

I'm wondering what stuffs should be out there! (in that room)

Overall, nice work!

have a nice day!

~~~Min

I agree. Although schools can be cool if you think about it. It just depends on how you look at it. For example, I look at school in a positive light. I even get excited sometimes when I realize all the good things that will happen at school that day. Seeing my friends, turning in a project that I worked really hard on, things like that.

Anyways, your poem's great and I especially love how it rhymes. Thanks for publishing it!

Hello!
So I was in the middle of reading Forbidden Shadows, when I saw this, and, well, I just couldn't pass it up. I only have one correction I found.

"If schools weren't cool
They'd have no school.
Unless my dreams come true
And schools become cool."

This breaks up your rhythm a little bit, but, I don't know what could make it sound better. So, it is okay how it is. Also, you said if schools were not cool then they would have no school, I think you meant were. That's all I found! Great job on this, and keep writing!
~Snazzy
(by the way, I agree with you on the locker thing!! No more bruised heads!! I always get bottom lockers... )

I decided to review this because I enjoy school very much, though agree there could be many improvements.

Well, of course, these aren't the improvements I had in mind. But this is still a humorous and enjoyable poem. I don't have much criticism to dole out on this one.

My biggest problem with this poem, I suppose, is that it doesn't really have a concrete rhyme. It would sound a lot better and flow a lot easier if you made one.

It's cool that you made this when you were younger. It's not bad.

The greatest thing about this poem is that it's incredibly relatable. I won't go on about more details that much, as you were young when you wrote this. But, of course, you can't go awry with more details (and this poem is kind of lite as it is).

Hello there, and happy review day!

So, I realize that you wrote this a long time ago, but I still think that you could edit it. Just because it's old doesn't mean you can't edit it. That being said, I like your topic, and it's definitely relatable. Although I can think of some better ways to make school cool (coughgetridofmyscienceteachercough), this poem is cute and sweet. I feel like you could rhyme better in some spots though, like here:

If schools were cool

They'd ditch lockers for sure

And instead give each kid

A big room for pleasure!

Hey there, beccalicous94 here to review your poem!

Your topic is one that is very relatable, the tough times we face in mandatory schooling. The author definitely expresses a hopeful attitude for what a better version of school would be. I think you could add some more details to make this a stronger poem. I also noticed that you tried to make it rhyme, but weren't consistent through out. I think if you made it a specific rhyme scheme it might sound better. Up to you. Write on!

Hi Em.

Wrote this when you were younger, huh? Well I like it.

It's so easy to relate to. Almost everyone hates school, despite the fact that you make friends there and some classes are fun (math? No).

Before I continue praising this work, I'm going to point out one thing:

If schools weren't cool
They'd have no school.