Rain is angels crying
About the evil in the world.
*
Thunder is God bowling
Beating the devil each game.
*
Lightning is angel magic
Warning away the devil's demons.
*
Hail is rocks flying from the sky
From God fighting the devil.
*
Clouds are the angels' cotton candy
Swirling, fluffy, tasty.
*
So if clouds, hail, lightning, thunder and rain
All have meanings, what is acid rain?
What is pollution?
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,421 Reviews
hi there,
All i can say is wow this is a very well put together poem. I definitely love the personification you used for each of the natural causes. The best part was that each of them totally made sense and i could understand where you got the mind set for each one! I love how you gave the reader a little prompt to think about and maybe even and inspiration at the end of the poem. In my personal opinion I would have used commas after each line like
"Lightning is angel magic(comma)
Warning away the devil's demons."
rather than just
"Lightning is angel magic
Warning away the devil's demons."
but over all i thing that this was an incredible poem with great metaphors,personification awesome sensory details and a very good flow.
~~Karina
Thank you! I'll remove that comma
Hello fellow writer,
I would just like to say that this is amazing! You put your words together like silk. The only thing i would say; and this is just an opinion, but it would be easier to try to either have the stanzas have the same number of lines. Other than that, it's perfect as it is. I like the line; "Thunder is god bowling; beating the devil each game." It brings memories to my mind. When i was younger, and it was storming, it always made me a lot better to think that god was only bowling, and that i wouldn't have nightmare's that night. Thank you so much for making me think of that memory again. Have a lovely day.
Thanks! And my pleasure, memories are bits of gold
Hi! I can't help but a review another thought provoking poem if yours!
Anyway I love the metaphors you used in this poem. It made me think of weather in a different light. Of course weather just occurs on its own but the way you portrayed it, you've made weather a whole lot more interesting
Moving to critique: there is a little bit of repetition in this piece.
You mention God beating or fighting the devil with thunder and hail. I suggest for each type of weather you use a new idea. I don't know, it's only a suggestion.
But I can understand if you were trying to have God and angels be repeated but a different idea for hail might be in order.
You pose a very important question in this poem but I suggest making it more lyrical or not as direct. Perhaps incorporate it more metaphorically in the poem. Does that make sense? (I'm not that great at explaining things..) XD
Good punctuation, good metaphors, excellent poem!
Bravo and keep writing
Thanks