Their glow, their sweet melodies;
They are dancing in the wind.
Their amazing perfection
Makes me feel so sinned.
*
Their sweet voices drum through me,
"Don't be afraid. Don't cry."
They seem to smile happily
When they hear me ask, "But why?"
*
Danger swirls in inky black.
"Oh, what do I do?"
"Don't be afraid little one,
We will protect you."
*
Scary sins dance about, but
His love creates a wall,
Blocking against all the bad
Evil dangers and all.
*
Never be afraid to trust the angels,
And God, it's true.
"Don't be afraid little one,
We will protect you."
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,421 Reviews
This is really sweet and the flow and rhythm is great.
My favorite lines are,
""Don't be afraid little one,
We will protect you."
I like this because its really sweet it leaves the reader feeling like there's nothing to fear when the time comes. I also liked how you did imagery like scary sins it was a nice touch.
I see nothing wrong and i can't wait to re-read this over and over and over again.
~Nightshade
Thank you very much!
Hey Em101Cats!
I think Weymouth mentioned this, but good job on adding a twist to your topic. I agree—most poems are about cutting, suicide, murder, or just plain old depressing things. Good job with this.
I lived your rhyming in this! I liked how it was in the dialogue too—poems with dialogue are great.
This has to be my favorite stanza. How you described the danger with color was beautiful, and the dialogue and rhyming went with it very well.
I don't really have anything to critique about this, great job Em! Also, congrats on being in the listed thing for most likes. *high fives*
~ WillowPaw1
Wait, it's listed in most likes? Really? Gotta check that out. Thanks so much!
YEp!
I really like this, the stanzas are well set out, the punctuation is perfect, and the religious theme is quite warming, it's a nice change to see people expressing love for their faith on here
The rhyme scheme is really sweet, all the couplets compliment each other so well, and i love the bits of speech every few lines.
reading depressing suicide poems gets quite depressing after a while :')
All in all, a great poem, finally something positive
I totally agree with you. Why is every poem on YWS about death, murder, sadness and anger? I try to shake things up a bit with my poems... Because I don't like bloody murders... But anyways glad you liked it!
It's probably because poetry is a good way of expressing raw emotion, so most people will just write about what they do or think about that troubles them. I've written poems for years just to get feelings down on paper, but only recently started sharing them with others (by recently i mean yesterday) :') but it's nice that there are poems like this to cheer us all up
Hey, Knight Teen here to review.
This is really good. I love the rhyme, how the stanzas are pretty even, and your narrative is really good.
Don't worry about posting something that you think people may or may not be accepting of, because they can't really debate it with you here. We try to keep that kind of stuff in a forum made especially for that. It doesn't always happen that way, but the SD&D forum is there.
Your content is pretty awesome. I love the way that you describe them, it's almost as if they are dancing right before my eyes.
I noticed that you put asterisks in between the stanzas. If you are having trouble formatting your work (putting spaces between different paragraphs/stanzas) then try pressing SHIFT before you press ENTER. That trick usually works for most people who try to format their work with no success.
I don't know who ticked of the writing gods (sarcasm here) to make the formatting hate us all so much, but almost everyone has this problem.
Anyways, this was really great, and I hope to review more of your work soon!
~Teen~
Thanks! I put the asterisk there on purpose, because sometimes When i don't add something in there it takes out the space altogether and makes it seem like one big connected stanza. O_O ... I don't want that. But thanks for the concern! Glad you enjoyed my poem!
But please, continue to use the asterisk if it makes it easier for you.
But please, continue to use the asterisk if it makes it easier for you.
I loved it!!! You made everything rhyme so well! And your grammar was awesome! I really suck at grammar
Thanks! Don't worry if you're not that good at grammar. I used to suck at it too. But practice makes perfect! Why don't you try publishing some new works? I'd love to read them!
OMG AWESOME! I loved how u even mentioned God and His angels! most ppl are too afraid to say that kind of stuff cuz of Muslems and Monks and all that hoopla. YAY U BUDDIE BUD!
Spelling: perfect!
Grammar: (I LEARNED HOW TO SPELL GRAMMAR FINALLY!) also perfect!
Rhyming: not one stanza wasn't rhyming!
Rating: 5 stars and 10 out of 10!
Well done!
~puppys3117~
Yay! Thank you! Glad you enjoyed this! I was a little worried about the people who choose not to believe in God. But then I thought, hey, if they don't believe in Him and don't want to read this, they don't have to read it. And if they want to learn more about Him and the angels they can always ask!
of coarse!