Outside the frost clings to every object it can.
It makes them all crisp and brittle,
Cold and uncertain.
The skies are grey, and the frost
Matches that color well.
The future looks dim
And no one knows if the frost
Will ever melt in spring.
Will our world forever be
Drowned in cold nothing
As it is now?
They all ask.
But I am thinking different thoughts.
I look at the frigid frost
And I imagine words.
Harsh words, words with meaning,
Words that snap a heart in two
After being plunged into the atmosphere.
Swirling like graceful snowdrops
Yet once they set into the ground
They become cold ice.
Harsh, frozen, taken in the wrong way,
These words cut deep into us all
Like blades of ice and frost.
Clinging with us forever, always there
Dragging us down and making us hate
Ourselves and each other.
Isn't it quite strange
How words are just
Solitary breaths of empty air
Yet they mean so much to us
That we laugh, smile, or cry
Depending upon how the breath
Of solitary empty air
Sounds.
And we bitterly hate the frost
And the ice
Of the words we hear each day.
The words of hate,
Distrust,
Fear,
And hostile hearts.
Breaking us apart, creating individuals
That are now embittered by hate
Towards the frost, the ice, the cold.
And as I think all of this
Alone in the dark,
Somewhere in the world
Someone is speaking the very words
That created the hateful frost, ice, and cold
In the first place:
"I hate you."
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,567 Reviews
Hi Em!
(This is on my kindle fire, so no hate if I mess this up)
I love the connection with weather and just three simple words: I hate you.
You don't give it a second thought, but when you read this, it seems genious, and you're just like: why didn't I think of that?
I love commas (you probably know that by now), so I'm not sure if it is needed or not, but perhaps a comma after outside? I think it slows it down a bit more.
The break in the lines seems rather choppy to me, although I think it looks good this way. The sipping down to the second line to read it just interrupts the beautiful flow you had throughout the whole poem. Maybe find some way to make it less choppy, and flow better?
Hope this helps!
WillowPaw1~
Thanks! I love reviews from you, Willow!
No problem! Glad to help!
Hello!
BrilliantMustaches here for another review...
I like when poems or any writings have weather and emotion that flow perfectly together, and you did that perfectly. Now a days "I hate you" can either make you stronger or it can destroy you and this poem explains these three words perfectly.
I think the only part that I am confused about is...
It is the second line and it just confusing to me, it may just be me. Maybe you forgot to put a space or a comma, I don't know, it just makes me confused.
That is the only thing I saw that was negative. Your poem is really good and I have read some of your writings and you never disappoint.
These lines hit me in a deep spot and I applaud you for that. In writing we need to grab our readers attention and make them fell every word and emotion, and you did exactly that for me.
Bravo!
-BrilliantMustaches
Thanks so much!