Whisper

Wow, this was great. I don't know if the second stanza is necessary, but then the poem might be too short. I like the first 2 lines of the second stanza, though, very good rhyming. Your poems always have an excellence to their rhyming styles that must take a lot of hard work! Or maybe that's just me ;D. So...yeah sorry I have nothing really helpful to say. It's a very interesting take on a simple concept, and no deepness, which is something you could add if you wanted, but I think the quirky, playful narrative is interesting and keeps it light and fun. I liked how you portrayed the reason for telling secrets was simply because it is fun to whisper in the the third stanza. A bit of a mouthful on the first two lines (why do we tell secrets, really why//if we know we'll really cry), if you want maybe polish that up a bit; just a suggestion. Very cute and funny. Loved the concept and take on it. Great job, keep writing!

I like this, it's short, but it still really gets the point across, and i also like the rather upbeat way you talk about what can be quite a dodgy subject.

The language and punctuation is perfect, i have no issues there at all, in fact the only line i have a problem with at all is "Secrets can cross from shore to shore!" i think you should cut out 'can' because i think the line would just flow better in general.

Apart from that, an amazing poem! I would love to read more of your work, keep it up!

Hai Emo, Laure here for a review! So, the subject of this poem is very relatable. The sharing of secrets across a body of students, I feel nowadays there are no such things as secrets anymore. Because they always get revealed at the end, things left hidden is probably a better word. Anyways, I will get on with the review. First off, I'm going to start off with the technical things.

'More drama comes when the other drama clears' I believe the article the, is used incorrectly here. The would mean that it is particular drama and I beleive that you don't mean that here. So, maybe get rid of it?

'Yet we all still whisper.' Alright, I get that in the second stanza, that our ears breeds to hear more and mor etchings, or in is case gossips and secrets. But what does that have to do with whispering, and hearing things? If you are going to tell the relaxers something, tell it.

'Why do we tell secrets, really, why,' I think that comma at the end would be better ad a question mark. Because your sentence is a question, is it not?

So that last stanza to be blunt, was a bit strange. It seems that the whole point of secrets is to whisper, whisper and telling secrets. Is this what you're trying to say? Why will we really cry? Explain this, expand it.

Also, avoid using the same word in the poem twice if you do it. Look for variation, like the word if and the last stanza, the second if could be replaced by 'yet'. The overall feeling this poem seems to be a cheery mood especially with the rhyming. The overall pace was alright, though there are places in which you can expand more. With some of the wording, it feels as if you were writing them down just to get it to rhyme which can sometimes cheapen your poem. Remember, poems don't always have to rhyme. A well written free verse poem is ten times better than a badly rhymed one, not all your rhymes are strange but there are definitely some places where you could have chosen better word choices.

I hope I wasn't too blunt, keep on writing!

-Laure

I really like the tone of this. Nice!