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cracks in the sidewalk

by yosh

i don’t remember there being a time
when the sidewalk bore no cracks
maybe a thousand years ago
when we biked to stores, and were so carefree
but even then, i’m sure there were a few cracks already

i don’t remember there being a time
when the sky wasn’t so cloudy
and the air wasn’t so thick
and we went to parks to have fun, and enjoyed our youth
but even then, i always found it hard to breathe

i like to think there was a time
when you could feel the rain
and not feel like you’re drowning
and then afterwards, you could take in the wonderful, damp air
but even then, there were times when i remembered that i can’t swim

do you remember a time?
a time when we smiled wider than the world could stop
and all the colors were so much more colorful
and the rain felt as if it washed our fears away
and the air was clear and guileless

but even then, we could never get rid of the cracks in the sidewalk

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57 Reviews

Points: 84
Reviews: 57

Fri Apr 07, 2023 8:53 pm
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TheCornDogEnthusiast wrote a review...

This passage is a contemplative reflection on the impermanence of life and the challenges of growing up. The author uses simple yet evocative language to create a sense of nostalgia for a time when things were simpler and more carefree. The repetition of the phrase "I don't remember" creates a sense of distance and detachment from the past, emphasizing the fleeting nature of memories and experiences.

The use of contrasting imagery, such as the cracked sidewalk and cloudy sky, creates a sense of tension and conflict between the idealized past and the realities of the present. The author also touches on themes of struggle and vulnerability, such as the difficulty in breathing and the fear of drowning.

This passage ends on a wistful note, with the author asking if the reader remembers a time when everything was perfect and beautiful. However, the final line, "but even then, we could never get rid of the cracks in the sidewalk," suggests that even in the most idyllic of moments, there are always imperfections and challenges to contend with.

Overall, this passage is a poignant reflection on the fleeting nature of life and the bittersweet memories that shape us. The author's use of imagery and repetition creates a sense of nostalgia and longing, while the underlying themes of struggle and vulnerability add depth and complexity to the piece.

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yosh says...

thank you for the review!

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95 Reviews

Points: 12127
Reviews: 95

Fri Apr 07, 2023 3:05 pm
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LuminescentAnt wrote a review...

Hi, quick review here for your poem!
This is a very meaningful poem. One of the things I liked about it was that you had a pattern in each of the stanzas, so the first line would start with "I don't remember there being a time" and the last line would be "but even then, something something." I also liked that in the last stanza, you wrapped everything up from all the other stanzas (and also added some other things too) backwards, and then you wrapped up with the idea from the first stanza. Lastly, you used a lot of metaphors, which is a great trait to use in poems, so you did really well on that.
Overall, the poem has a lot of meaning behind it, so keep writing poems like this!

yosh says...

thank you for the review!

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
— Sir James Dewar, Scientist