The Death Of Zeus

Hi, there!

Well, I have to disagree with what @Griffinkeeper said about the title of the story. Actually, the title of the story called my attention. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed when I read the story. It was basically too short for my liking, I couldn't understand the characters, there was practically no plot, climax nor flow in the story. I don't think this is a bad piece, absolutely the opposite, this is quite good. Just that it does not sound as exiting as the title does.

"As far as the story is concerned, I was immediately confused. It seemed like I had been dropped into a fight scene, but I had no idea of where the fight was taking place... or why. Neither of these questions are answered in the course of the scene. It's not enough for a scene to have action; it also has to have some context."

I have to use as a reference what Griffin here said. I completely agree in this aspect with him. A story this short does not make the audience clear on anything. You have to fill the story up with information for the readers to understand, captivate them. When they have no idea of what it is happening in the story, you can't expect them to like, understand or think what you think, understand or like.

You can surely make this story better. You just have to add some context and information and you'll see that this story will be very good in no time!

Keep up the good work!

~Marde!

MooCowPoop here to review your story!

I am a bit confused as to how this all started, or what this is. Is this the only part to the story?If not, I would love to read more! It seems like a really good idea knowing about the Gods, who I don't know much about by the way...

Technical stuff:
I know you might not want to hear this, but there are some grammar issues in here but don't worry because they're tiny ones!

"He slapped me down as I tried to finish him...I had let her go into the box, a mistake I'll admit but I just had to defeat him." I don't think the ellipses in this sentence are needed. If there is something you wanted to mention there, then say it. Give the reader as much information as possible! Fill them with words! You also need a 'which' before you say 'a mistake I'll admit...' meaning the sentence will look like this:

"He slapped me down as I tried to finish him [but] I had let her go into the box [which was] a mistake I'll admit but I just had to defeat him."

Actually, you might not need that "which was" after all. You can use a hyphen (or dash, I forget what it's called)... The sentence would look like this:

"He slapped me down as I tried to finish him [but] I had let her go into the box--a mistake I'll admit but I just had to defeat him."

The next sentence needs some work too:

"He laughed, mocking me with his cruel eyes, every time he struck me down it was like I just became stronger."

Here's how I would write it:

"He laughed, mocking me with his cruel eyes. [Each] time he struck me down [it felt like I was becoming stronger. "

Before I go on, it seems like you use the word "just" a lot. Don't worry, lots of writer's have a problem with this. It's called having a favorite word, including me (check out my story Don't Smile and count many times I use the word "I" in each paragraph). The way to get rid of it is to try to use the word as little as possible or not use it all. Check to see if it's really needed? Do you really need to use that word that many times? Try looking for a substitute word.

You mostly just need to add more details and clarify some things. Like the part where it says

"He killed me but only for a little while then I learned that hope was the only way I could truly win I fought to come back and I did."

What do you mean by "he killed me, but only for a little"? I understand that Greek Gods are immortal, or at least I think that's true, right? Maybe you were trying to use this as a metaphor? If so, you might want to point that out. I don't know how you'd do that but try to...

I think that's all I will go over for now. If you need any further help, then pm me! Also, you don't need to take any of my advice because it's your work and you can do what you want with it! It's all your call!

Hey spacesoldier.

Let's start with the title. The Death The Of Zeus is really clunky and you probably intended it to be ''The Death of Zeus." This isn't good form and it can lead your readers to assume you have no idea of what you're doing before you get the chance to show off your skills. Fortunately, reviewers are more patient than readers.

As far as the story is concerned, I was immediately confused. It seemed like I had been dropped into a fight scene, but I had no idea of where the fight was taking place... or why. Neither of these questions are answered in the course of the scene. It's not enough for a scene to have action; it also has to have some context.

In fact, we don't even know who the characters are in this scene. We have a bunch of pronouns, such as "He," "I," and "Her" but none of these characters are identified.

In the end, we have a piece of work which has no characters, no setting, and no plot. It may be better to scrap this and try again. Take time to outline your characters, your plot, and the setting. Let me know if you have any additional questions.

I have to say this is just a tad confusing.

He slapped me down as I tried to finish him...I had let her go into the box,
So it says he, then him, but then the last thing is her. I don't get what's going on at this point. I believe it was just a error, but if not you need to explain further who she is.

There were a couple punctuation errors as well. Here they are.

a mistake I'll admit but I just had to defeat him
After admit you need a comma.

He killed me but only for a little while then I learned that hope was the only way I could truly win I fought to come back and I did.

You need a period after while and win. Or you could put a semicolon after win.

I came back stronger then ever I stabbed my blade into his chest driving it through his heart and then I drove it through my own heart and I finally had my revenge.

You need a period after ever, a comma after chest, a comma after heart, and a comma a the second heart.
If you fix those small problems it will really make this short story pretty good looking.
Keep it up!