Shattered Soul

Hey there !Kat here to review!

I love how at first you seemed kind of placent then you really let your emotions pour through the pages and turn into figures ! I can relate to this a lot....ome of my best friends...I thought they were my friends...jut told me I'm weird,stupid,and annoying and they were so rude that my family and I are actually moving . So I kind of connected with this.Just re format it like Deanie said and it will be worth a million bucks

~Speakerskat

this is so sad and heartfelt, and i feel for you. i've been in your position before, and this is like a perfect description of my feeling at a point in my life. may not have been the same cause but the emotions were very much the same. your word choice could have been a little better, maybe chosen different words for shattered because you said that multiple times. the last sentence is a run-on, but that only adds to the emotion. when you read it aloud you can clearly feel what you are trying to portray. love it.

Hi there Space Soldier,

This really good. I can feel the emotion that you have portrayed behind this, and the meaning is clear. But I feel like this needs to be organized into more of a poem format. It'll make it a bit easier to read than having it in a chunk like that. Let's do that first.

You've shattered my soul
into small peices
and turned it into dust.

The wind came and blew it away
as though it were nothing.
You shattered my soul and
what do you have to say?

You make it appear as though it was a gift,
you've placed a bow on top.
As all you can say is sorry
for the hurtful comments and insults.

You smiled while you said it,
so there for it is worthless and meaningless.
Much like my poetry, since you said
it lacks so many things including emotion.

Well you've shattered my soul
so hows this for emotion?
You can burn in the flames with my poetry,
and you can feel the pain i've felt.

Then you can read my poetry again
and maybe you'll see the only emotion
My poetry is pain, and when you say your sorry,
this time i might believe you.

But i won't be forgiving,
because you weren't understanding
as you heartlessly came
and shattered my soul.

See? Doesn't it look more poem-y and approachable?

Okay, most people have commented on spelling so I'll leave them to it. But please do remember that all the times you use 'i' on it's own, it should be capitalized.

Before I was going to comment on the long sentences, but in this structure it doesn't matter anymore. Structure and layout can do a lot for a poem

Last but not least I want to talk to you about word choice. 'Shattered' and 'poetry' are beautiful words. But you repeat them often. It would be nice to get some fresh imagery in there. Like, maybe replace the word shattered for sliced, and smashed and damaged sometimes? And maybe instead of using poetry all the time, they can be words that are weaved from your mind, or intricate patterns made from selected letters. It's up to you.

But apart from this, the poem is good. But everything can always be made better.

Deanie x

Hi, Infinity here to review!
Firstly, you need to separate your poem into quatrains, which makes it much easier to read.
The spelling of "peices" should be spelt as, pieces. You also have a typo at the end, I think you meant, shattered, remember to check over your work.

"Then the wind came and blew it away as though it were nothing."

Here, it sounds a bit like a story at the beginning so instead I suggest you write something like this;

"As the wind came and blew it away as though it were nothing"

You have added emotion/anger/frustration/sadness to your poem but it almost sounds like an angry rant, try to create imagery to show the anger etc.

Overall, good poem with a lot of potential, keep up the good work.

-Infinity x

This was an amazing poem and I can understand how you feel

I love it. I can really relate to this, which is what I like. It's full of pain, it speaks of it again and again and it's beautiful. I really, really do love it, a lot.