If I could find space in the corners.

Hey there! Shane here to review.

I'm going to say that I'm really, really impressed with the way you presented the idea in your poem. It's something that a lot of writers want to tackle, but they all seem to do so very, very dryly. Your imagery, and the way you connected the pieces, was really refreshing. It's not an original idea by any means, but it was an original way of executing it, which is all that really matters.

I want to talk about some of your lines and the structure of your poem, though. YWS has a really annoying "let's ruin the layout of your poetry" regime or something, because when you copy/paste it, it all ends up looking like what you've got here, even if you had organized it into stanzas. So I don't know if it's organized into stanzas in the original document or not, but if it's not, I'd strongly suggest reading it through and finding where the idea or the focus shifts. That's where you'll want to split the stanzas.

Now for the fun stuff!

The way the rain always falls makes me think of,

The way the stars fall from the "heavens".

I think that it would be quite saddening,

Alrighty. I want you to note some repetition in this section. I underlined "the way" and "think" because they're both stated very close to one another, and then they're both stated very close to one another again within the next two lines. This is redundant, and it bogs down the flow of the poem. I'd suggest changing the wording a little bit around here.

I know it must seem like a random thing to say,

This line is completely unnecessary. It sounds like you're trying to buy a "get out of jail free" card for your next line is. You don't need it; it doesn't add anything to the poem. In fact, all it really does is take away from the punch of the next line (which also contains the word "random." Watch out for word redundancy!)

But as I stare out the window from this chair, the thoughts all flow at random.

Even though every thought revolves around places that I know don’t exist,

More word redundancy! I bolded "thoughts" and "thought," because they're layered on top of one another in the span of two lines. One way to fix this is by changing the second "thought" to "every single one" ("every one" might shift the focus from thoughts to people, which would be an interesting dynamic, but if you don't want to add some metaphor to the poem, I'd suggest avoiding it), or some other phrase that refers to the thoughts without directly stating what they are. Also, I added a comma where you need one (I'd suggest doing some quick research on comma usage and comma splices; there are a few areas in the poem where your knowledge of them seems a little shabby. Which is fine, but Research!)

Everyone on this planet is feeling something that they don’t need to feel.

Okie dokie, so I warred with myself about this one for a while. In the end, I decided that it would definitely be a stronger line if you didn't repeat "feel/ing". This time, it looks like the repetition was intentional, but it still takes away from the punch, because it takes the focus away from the "feel" that you want the focus to be on. Pick which one you like better, and change the wording or find a synonym for the first one.

I know it sounds awful and it’s easy to hate where hate isn’t deserved,

I dislike the first part of this line. You don't need to toss in that you know it sounds awful in order to justify yourself. You don't want to justify your thoughts or beliefs or whatever when you're writing a poem; you just want to convey that you're believing or feeling them. It takes away a lot of the punch. I'd suggest replacing that half of the line with something that doesn't sound as whiny and like you're trying to prove that you're not a bad guy. The reader will get it. You've made your point strongly enough in the previous lines.

As strange as it is to speak these words…humans are destructive monsters.

Strange? Why is it strange? Every human knows how notorious human beings are for their hatred, anger and destructive tendencies. This is like the line I talked about above. The first half sounds like a whiny attempt at self-justification, and you don't need to justify yourself. Partially because the statement that follows isn't actually strange at all. Cut it out of the piece.

I know it’s close minded that I say this but I don’t see things changing for the better,

See my last two comments about the first half of the line sounding like a whiny attempt at self-justification.

Every time I look up at the sky I see even less stars,

And then from the last line quoted to the one directly above what I'm saying: You dragged out the section on wars for too long without really saying anything new. You tried to bring in new imagery, and the part about cheating kids out of parents and creating killers was probably the most interesting. You don't want to drag an idea out for an unnecessarily long number of lines. Short and sweet would be the best approach to the ideas in this poem, in my opinion. I'd see about reading this section over and re-phrasing and cutting out lines to see if you can convey what you're trying to convey in a more powerful manner.

I have honestly stopped caring when people die,

Removal of the "-ly" adverb will make this line stronger ("honestly"). The thing about -ly adjectives and adverbs is that they're oftentimes abused. They're used way too frequently, and should only be used when the emotion/image that you're trying to convey can't be conveyed in any other way. Here, "honestly" is just an unnecessary word altogether that distracts from the weight of the line. You want the reader to feel the weight of a line like this, because it should be heavy. Don't soften the blow with silly -ly words.

I turn to the night sky and stare at each star and I count.

I know that if every star in the sky falls to earth right now,

[...]

We’d all be crushed to death by tons of suffocating stars.

Then after every star had turned black,

The universe would be a black as the stars.

Whooooaaaa, cool your jets there, Speedy. That is a lot of the word "star" in a very short span of poem. That's literally every line except for two in seven lines. Look at the phrasing of this section and think of other appropriate sub-terms (don't go with synonyms because it'd just be plain old obnoxious) to use, because the amount of times that my brain stumbled over "stars" really, really threw me off. It totally wrecked the flow and the feel of the poem.

In summary, then:

I really enjoyed the poem. It was a fresh manner of executing an age-old idea, and the emotion in it was pretty raw. The imagery wasn't super super original either, but it was well-done enough. The things I'd watch out for are you comma usage, and your tendency to be extremely redundant in word-choice. Neither of those things are difficult to clean up, so I'm confident that you'll have an amazing poem right here Also, watch for how long you drag ideas out for. The worst was the section on war, but that ending section, right before when you started talking about the stars again, was a little... slow to read.

Good job and keep writing,
~Shane