Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
My eyes are stuck to his so I won’t watch the devastation.
His sun illuminates my darkness over powering it with determination.
If I seek to venture into madness he chains me to my sanity.
I just want to sink into the sadness and wait for my humanity.
If he wants me to believe in fear he’ll drape me in a canopy.
While he sweetly sings me a song of sorrow and tragedy.
If I plug my ears to ignore the harmony he’ll kiss me filling me with melody.
His words are my trap and his lips are my candy.
Everything time I reach out to him, he’s so demanding.
But I long for his soft touch on my skin so I don’t care if he’s commanding.
I’ll do what he asks and I’ll stay quiet if I want to be the one left standing.
He tripped me up so I fell instead of making the landing.
He just doesn’t get that I’m trying to be understanding.
He ignites my depression with a fiery rage as he throws me back into my cage.
Sometimes his verbal abuse is like a smack to the face.
He makes me dress up in fancy clothes like I’m a doll in his case.
Maybe if I wasn’t so stupid he would have stayed.
But he left and even the detectives can’t find a trace.
I can’t believe he did that to me I feel so betrayed.
Everyone just needs to back up I need some room to breathe.
I know that the simplicity will not go unnoticed.
But this is bullshit I’m just so completely pissed.
I don’t believe this shit I wasn’t even missed.
I’m sick and tired of fucking getting ditched.
My life is a long line of getting squished.
I know I don’t know when to close my mouth so stop reminding me.
I shrink back into my tiny shell.
In the end all we did was sell.
I know for a fact we’re all going to hell.
So stop trying so hard to reach that glory bell.
There’s no point in trying to call out for help.
I know that there’s nothing but deception out there yet I like to think that life has a purpose.
I spend my days feeling worthless.
But I know in my heart that nothing’s worth this.
I always thought that love was timeless.
But his abuse is relentless.
So loves just senseless.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
PREACH!!
Viv here, great poem. I like how you started off with a rant it's so much more feeling. I can relate to this. But love isn't completely senseless, though it depends on how you feel about it.
"I shrink back into my tiny shell.
In the end all we did was sell."
What did you mean by sell?
Lastly, this sounds like a song or a lyrical poem. It has a nice flow to it.
Hello SpaceSoldier,
This is Magenta here to review your poem, Love is Senseless... I thought that this was a well-thought out poem and that the real meaning behind the poetry was deep. It gave me a different perspective and I liked the way you described the entire thing. However, I would like to review this for you and make some suggestions.
"My eyes are stuck to his so I won’t watch the devastation." I would first like to ask what you meant by this. It doesn't sound very clear and I am not sure what you mean by watching the devastation. Devastation wouldn't be the word I would use here. You probably aren't sure by what I mean, but if you read it to yourself quietly, maybe you might see what I mean?
I saw that you were trying to rhyme at first, but it sort of lapsed in and out. For example...
"I’m sick and tired of f***ing getting ditched.
My life is a long line of getting squished." This doesn't quite rhyme, i must tell you and so I would suggest that you change this.
"So loves just senseless." I would just make sure that you place an apostrophe in the word "loves" so that it is "love's" because I assume that you meant "love is" and wrote "loves" asa contraction.
"He makes me dress up in fancy clothes like I’m a doll in his case." I think that there are some sentences in here that aren't really necessary or don;t provide the reader with the image that you aim to create. This sentence, for example, doesn't seem fit in this poem. I would suggest deleting this line.
I would also suggest that you take out the foul language. It ruins the portrayal of the girl in the relationship who is supposed to be innocent and abused but still loves, "him". With the bad language, it ruins her good and innocent nature that you want in the poem.
Other than that, I hope that you continue writing. I hope to have helped you.
~ Magenta
I'm not going to comment on your work, although it is a very well-crafted verse, and I do like it in the art sense. You are not going to like what I am going to tell you, but I think it could help you: The relationship you described portrays love in no way shape or form. Love is unconditional and forgives anything and does not hurt, but strengthens. You have been placed in an unfortunate relationship where you experienced some devastating agony. It is not your fault, but the problem of men like those who treat you poorly. When you meet a real man, that knows how to properly express love, not enforce selfish master to slave like relationships, then you will understand that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. I cannot stress enough that any relationship like that is not one bonded through love. Love is everything that the world lacks, but learn how to forgive, by truly forgiving and forgetting, and put forth love every place you touch and pure, real love will find you. Believe me I know what loneliness and lostness feels like. It hurts and no one understands right? Wrong, there are people like me who relate perfectly to your pain, I used to think the same way, and it brought me to the brink of insanity. Do not do anything, rash, but hope. Hope means to endure even if you feel or know for a fact that the end result will be failure. Keep going. Search into yourself and you will unearth treasure that will release you from your bondage. It is only a change of attitude that breaks the chains. But no one else has the power to change things but you. I am Kevin Pruett and remember my name, for when you hear my name ring in the voices of others, when I am in the spotlight and have reached my goals, remember this: Anything is possible. You will succeed when you want it as bad as your body wants to breathe. I know it is hard and personal change can be excruciating, but know that out there, there are others that even now feel pain you do, and if you open up you will easily find these people. I used to hold myself back, thinking i was worthless and nobody cared, I was all alone, but not only does God care for people when they don't even believe he exists, other people understand and both parties will stop at nothing to lift you from despair. Also forgive those that know not what they do, the pains that in their blindness they afflict.