Wandering

Hello there, Infinity here to review.

Well what a nice poem you have here! This will be a short review as I only have minor things to address and suggest.

I liked your creative idea of this poem, reminds me of the saying, Not all who wander are lost. Anyways I liked some of the images you created they were very effective and visual. It was well thought out and the effort shows so well done on that.

However there is always room for improvement although all my critiques are nitpicks so don't take them to heart.

"I wandered aimlessly through the dessert,
dried up like the ground I walked upon."

Here, I have a slight problem with the second line, you mention you're walking though the dessert so we can kind of guess it's dry ground you're walking on. Perhaps here would have been a good place for something descriptive or some imagery, e.g. "dried up like the barren land I walked upon, or the bronze ground, something like that.

I don't see many grammatical errors so good job but some of your lines are a little long, they carry on and are almost too related in each line, there's no change of topic/subject at each point due to the long sentences.

"I thought let's burn this world to ash,
and ascend death itself,
but tangled in a web,
my thought would never leave my head."

This was my favorite stanza, I felt it had amazing imagery and I like how it gives the reader a final thought to think about.

Overall a good poem, Keep writing! I hope I was of help to you.

-Infinity x

The beginning of this poem - I'd say the whole thing from 'I wandered' to 'any thought,' - is very well-written and beautiful. It has an intensity to it, the way the 'hunger' is described (the formatting here is excellent - the fact that the 'only a thirst/a hunger' lines are alone gives them weight and transitions the poem on well from the 'I had no' lines).

The imagery all the way here is well-chosen and evocative. Flame seeking paper is already fairly destructive as images go, which ties into the ending pretty well. The target of the hunger as 'a thought, any thought' (the second again given weight by the formatting) is revealed nicely here, though the choice of 'food' in the previous line doesn't feel fully natural. I suspect it has something to do with the use of 'drink' before. Using something like 'sustenance' in its place would just sound even more off, mind you.

From here I find a bit more to nitpick, though overall the poem continues good. Lovely activity, nitpicking.

The line 'I would have to make a great sacrifice' bothers me here. I suppose it sounds a bit too grandiose, though maybe that's not the right word. I like the fact it's longer and more structured than most of the lines, focusing the reader's attention. As mostly a gut reaction, I'm not sure of what to say on why I find it 'off'. I know, most useless advice ever.

The 'to rip my world away from me, until I shed no tears' segment I love. The next line, I think, could use a comma before 'a thought!'. I think that's just a matter of aesthetics, though, and someone else would find it better as a run-on sentence.

The final four lines get dark, but there's (not sure if it was the intention) a fair bit of foreshadowing in the 'like a flame seeking paper' image. The hunger comes off as destructive from that point on, so it's not a surprise the thought is a wee bit on the apocalyptic side as well.

Of course, it's not purely destructive. There's a very 'rebirth' feel form the two first lines in the segment, ascending death itself and all. I'd love the hear the thoughts behind it.

I think that's about it - I'm not sure how constructive this actually is, but hey, a review's a review.

This poem is beautiful and really well written. I love when poems have exclamation points, especially when they're placed correctly, and you were able to do that. It adds more feeling and gives a better state of mind on how to interpret it. The last stanza was very powerful and well thought out. Amazing! Never stop writing.

Hey spacesoldier! Griffin, here to review this lovely piece of work!

First off, I saw the one stanza that you posted on your wall,

It would mean destroying everything that I held dear,
to rip my world away from me,
until I shed no tears,

but tangled in a web,
my thought would never leave my head.

This is a little long but great job, your choice of words really spoke your mind and your spelling/ grammar is perfect! I enjoyed your poem, keep writing it's worth it. I loved the words you decided to use and how they flow together into the poem in a rhythm that I found easy to pick up on. You did a wonderful job rhyming as well for this poem, it takes lots of time and effort to make it all connect in a rhyming You did an awesome job with everything, you seem to have a real talent for poetry. But don't waste it, it's a skill that can easily be lost. Keep practicing!!!